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1. Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

1. Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. v. 2
Overeating of sweets hurt health. A few people regard the authority's responsibility to handle taking of the sugar, but others suppose that it must conduct by each person. In my opinion, it is people's mission of preserving their health. The government can put rules for companies to reduce intake, but people must make boundaries for themselves to avoid overeating sweets. On the one hand, governmental institutions can not be the main controller to manage and organize how many candies allowed for a person to eat? Authorities and ministry of health should make penalties for companies that used a massive amount of sugar in their product. However, folks and children rushed into the desert and candy in that situation sugar will consider as a toxic use. For example, Europe since 1987 has been the most popular company for producing chocolate within every year they launch a new kind of chocolate within different flavors, but it was written on the package that terrible of overconsuming. Although the corporation warned, diabetic patients, can not minimize the eating of sweets. On the other hand, people must have an awareness of the vulnerability problem that was appeared from overwhelming confectionery as are individual's restraint. Furthermore, parents should make a hard punishment for their children who overuse chocolate and must put a limit on that. Even though parents do restrictions, the infants escape their sweets and take it without their parents knowing. For instance, Egypt since 1985 the diabetic not only spread among old ages but also young and infants. According to, parents neglected in children's rights and delinquency for their rights. In conclusion, overconsuming is not considered as the institution's dilemma, but the ancestors' dire need, if people restrict using sweets, it will be healthier for a human being.
Overeating of sweets hurt health. A few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard the authority's responsibility to handle taking of the sugar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others suppose that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
conduct by each person. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mission of preserving their health. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
intake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
boundaries for themselves to avoid overeating sweets.

On the one hand, governmental institutions can not be the main controller to manage and organize how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
candies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for a person to eat? Authorities and ministry of health should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
penalties for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a massive amount of sugar in their product.
However
, folks and children rushed into the desert and candy in that situation sugar will consider as a toxic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
, Europe since 1987 has been the most popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for producing chocolate within every year they launch a new kind of chocolate within
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
flavors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
was written
on the package that terrible of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overconsuming
. Although the corporation warned, diabetic patients, can not minimize the eating of sweets.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have an awareness of the vulnerability problem that
was appeared
from overwhelming confectionery as are individual's restraint.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
punishment for their children who overuse chocolate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put a limit on that.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do restrictions, the infants escape their sweets and take it without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
knowing.
For instance
, Egypt since 1985 the diabetic not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spread among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
young and infants. According to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
neglected in children's rights and delinquency for their rights.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
overconsuming
is not considered as the institution's dilemma,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ancestors' dire need, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
restrict using sweets, it will be healthier for a human being.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 1. Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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