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"Developed countries have created many environmental problems. What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v.6

"Developed countries have created many environmental problems. What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 6
Global Warming and climate change has become burning issues across the globe. It's mainly caused by the rich nations and it is the need of the hour to solve these problems. In this essay, I intend to delve into the reasons of worldwide warming and steps that needs to be taken to control its effects. First of all, it has been observed that due to global warming, glaciers are melting on a continuous basis, leading to an unpredictable weather conditions in many nations and causing flood like situations. Undoubtedly, the pollution is one of the main reasons for global warming, as numerous people in developed nations are affluent enough to purchase cars, which leads to more vehicles on the road, thus causing emissions of dangerous gases into the atmosphere. To deal with it, government should encourage people to use bicycles for travelling short distances within the city. Studies have shown that, if more people use bicycles than it helps in reducing the greenhouse gas emissions. To add further, it's not only the pollution from the vehicles, but also the waste from industries which results these issues. To address these, governments should make it mandatory for the companies to set up effluent treatment plants so that effluent should not mix with the ground water and cause land and soil pollution. Furthermore, green belt area should be maintained surrounding the industry. Moreover, it has been observed in these days that the packaging material also contribute to the environmental problems. So, industries should say No to plastic and make use of the environment friendly packaging materials. To conclude, global warming is a threatening issue of concern and its the responsibility of each inhabitant of earth to contribute a bit by using bicycles or solar powered cars, setting up waste treatment plants and say no to plastic packaging.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Warming
and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has become burning issues across the globe. It's
mainly
caused by the rich nations and it is the need of the hour to solve these problems. In this essay, I intend to delve into the reasons of worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
and steps that needs to
be taken
to control its effects.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it has
been observed
that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, glaciers are melting on a continuous basis, leading to an unpredictable weather conditions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations and causing flood like situations.

Undoubtedly
, the pollution is one of the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, as numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in developed nations are affluent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
cars, which leads to more vehicles on the road,
thus
causing emissions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases into the atmosphere. To deal with it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles for travelling short distances within the city. Studies have shown that, if more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reducing the greenhouse gas emissions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
, it's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the pollution from the vehicles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the waste from industries which results these issues. To address these,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it mandatory for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to set up effluent treatment plants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that effluent should not mix with the ground water and cause land and soil pollution.
Furthermore
, green belt area should
be maintained
surrounding the industry.

Moreover
, it has
been observed
in these days that the packaging material
also
contribute to the environmental problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, industries should say No to plastic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the environment friendly packaging materials.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is a threatening issue of concern and
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the responsibility of each inhabitant of earth to contribute a bit by using bicycles or solar powered cars, setting up waste treatment plants and say no to plastic packaging.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay "Developed countries have created many environmental problems. What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 6

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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