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Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 1
Nowadays, the use of technology is increasing dramatically. As a result, some people believe that it builds a huge gap between poor and rich class, however, others think that it removes the economic gap between these two different classes of the society. I agree with the former view because I think that new technical devices create a gap between people of the society. Although, both well-off and poor people are using new advanced techniques it makes a space among a group of people. Most of rich class people use advanced gadgets, luxury lifestyle, et cetera. They can easily afford these valuable items to live their life more convenient. . The use of modern technology facilitates moneyed persons to explore their business. For instance, many people promote their business on social media websites. This promotion facilitates them by increasing their customer volume. On the other side, some people ponder that up to date technology assist many middle and poor class people to enter in richer class. There are plenty of sources with whom they can explore their talent and become a famous superstar. Many youngsters belong to the average class family are working on YouTube as a blogger and content writer together with they are earning a handsome income per month. Doubtless, modern devices help people by providing them a chance to earn money. Therefore, it aids to eliminate the cavity between both classes. To conclude, undoubtedly, the use of technology is mushrooming and it becomes popular among people of every class. It is not true that the use advance devices make rich richer Rather, this advancement abolishes the difference between people of the society.
Nowadays, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is increasing
dramatically
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it builds a huge gap between poor and rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
however
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it removes the economic gap between these two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
of the society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that new technical devices create a gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the society.

Although, both well-off and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using new advanced techniques it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a space among a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consider using "Most rich" or "Most of the rich".
Most of rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advanced gadgets, luxury lifestyle,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
. They can
easily
afford these valuable items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life more convenient.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
facilitates moneyed persons to explore their business.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
promote their business on social media websites. This promotion facilitates them by increasing their customer volume.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ponder that up to date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
assist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
middle and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enter in richer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of sources with whom they can explore their talent and become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
superstar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters belong to the average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family are working on YouTube as a blogger and content writer together with they are earning a handsome income per month. Doubtless, modern devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing them a chance to earn money.
Therefore
, it aids to eliminate the cavity between both classes.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is mushrooming and it becomes popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. It is not true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advance devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
rich
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
richer


Rather
, this advancement abolishes the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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