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Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? Discuss both views. v.2

Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? v. 2
Excess intake of sugar is harmful for human body as it causes various diseases. It is though by few that state has to take the charge and enforce effective steps to control the amount of sugar consumption by the people, however, others opine that it is the duty of the individual to have proper check on his or her eating habits. I assert that it requires the joint effort of people and the government. To begin with, considering the views of the people who argue that government has to control the problem of excess sugar consumption. They have reason to believe this, as the trend of buying ready made foods and drinks is becoming popular in recent year. So the problem of excess sugar in drink or beverages can not be tackle without government' s support. Strict laws has to be enforce on the quality check of packed food and drinks that it must not contain the excess quantity of sugar. State has to give the instruction to the food department of the country for its popular implementation. Eatable purchased from outside especially, drinks like juices and cold drinks contain high amount of saturated sugar which is exorbitantly harmful for the health. On the other hand, the problem can be resolved to greater extend if citizen become more wise and responsible, while making their food choose. It is indispensable for government to control the sugar intake, if the individuals is not concern about their own health. People have to opt for healthy eating habits like cooking food at home and taking the sugar in its nature form. For instance fruits have the sugar in its natural form which is not bad for the health, whereas saturated or artificially added flavor have numerous negative ramification on health and causes diseases like obesity and diabetics. In conclusion, unequivocally high consumption of sugar have many adverse effects, but it can be control by the proper check of packed food sand drinks by the authorities. However, has to take the wiser choice while in taking any food or drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Excess
intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is harmful for human body as it causes various diseases. It is though by few that state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take the charge and enforce effective steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, others opine that it is the duty of the individual to have proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
eating habits. I assert that it requires the joint effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, considering the views of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption. They have reason to believe this, as the trend of buying
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is becoming popular in recent year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
or beverages can not be tackle without
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s support. Strict laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
Consider using a past participle here: "enforced".
enforce
on the quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not contain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. State
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give the instruction to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
department of the country for its popular implementation. Eatable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from outside
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
like juices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
contain high amount of saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
which is
exorbitantly
harmful for the health.

On the other hand
, the problem can
be resolved
to greater extend if citizen become more wise and responsible, while making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choose. It is indispensable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake, if the individuals is not concern about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
opt for healthy eating habits like cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home and taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in its nature form.
For instance
fruits have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in its natural form which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the health, whereas saturated or
artificially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
flavor have numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramification on health and causes diseases like obesity and diabetics.

In conclusion
,
unequivocally
high consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
by the proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
by the authorities.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take the wiser choice while in taking any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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