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Over-fishing has become a very common practice in many countries. What do you think are the effects of over-fishing? v.2

Over-fishing has become a very common practice in many countries. What do you think are the effects of over-fishing? v. 2
Fish population in seas, lakes and rivers are falling sharply and over-fishing is the main reason for this. Many Asian and European countries had plenty of fishes but these days many fish species have become numbered and it has terrible impacts. Without imposing strict laws to stop uncontrolled fishing and investing money on improving natural habitats of fishes, we will have only stories of fishes and bear great losses. Fishes in many parts of the world are killed early and they do not get time to reproduce. Without government’s initiatives and proper policy, the condition will deteriorate as the greedy fishers would not spare any fish from their nets. As a consequence, the marine life would lose its balance and many fish species would get extinct. To prevent it the government must have a strong surveillance to stop killing the baby fish. As a direct result of over-fishing, many popular fish species have become very expensive and rare. For instance, Hilsha, the national fish of Bangladesh, is facing an acute threat of over-fishing and have become numbered. This has a negative economic impact as the country used to export this fish in many western countries. Due to the exhaustive and indiscriminating fishing, many rivers, lakes and canals are void of fishes and more fishermen are finding it hard to live by fishing. Many governments have already taken steps by declaring many rivers, sea areas and canals restricted and marking commercial fishing prohibited in certain seasons, and this is making the livelihood of many fishermen hard. In conclusion, over-fishing must be stopped now and the government must take decisions to make changes in the current practice to save fishes. Besides, the population who live by fishing must also fish prudently and always spare the baby and mother fishes for their own benefit.
Fish population in seas, lakes and rivers are falling
sharply
and over-fishing is the main reason for this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Asian and European countries had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fishes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fish species have become numbered and it has terrible impacts. Without imposing strict laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
uncontrolled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
and investing money on improving natural habitats of fishes, we will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stories of fishes and bear great losses.

Fishes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world
are killed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
early and
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to reproduce. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
initiatives and proper policy, the condition will deteriorate as the greedy fishers would not spare any fish from their nets. As a consequence, the marine life would lose its balance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fish species would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extinct. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a strong surveillance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
killing the baby fish.

As a direct result of over-fishing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular fish species have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and rare.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hilsha
, the national fish of Bangladesh, is facing an acute threat of over-fishing and have become numbered. This has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
economic impact as the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to export this fish in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western countries. Due to the exhaustive and
Possible spelling mistake found.
indiscriminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rivers, lakes and canals are void of fishes and more fishermen are finding it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have already taken steps by declaring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rivers, sea areas and canals restricted and marking commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
prohibited in certain seasons, and this is making the livelihood of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fishermen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

In conclusion
, over-fishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take decisions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
practice to save fishes.
Besides
, the population who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
fish
prudently
and always spare the baby and mother fishes for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Over-fishing has become a very common practice in many countries. What do you think are the effects of over-fishing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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