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Our thinking and behavior are often influenced by other people. When we admire and respect someone, we naturally try to imitate their behavior and attitudes. Groups of people whom we admire and whose behavior and attitudes we tend to imitate are known as v.1

Our thinking and behavior are often influenced by other people. When we admire and respect someone, we naturally try to imitate their behavior and attitudes. Groups of people whom we admire and whose behavior and attitudes we tend to imitate are known as v. 1
Being able to be connected with the whole world it is essential to listen to the news either it would be domestic or global news. While some prefer to just focus on local news over international news, I, however, agree with those who hold the opinion that worldwide news is imperative. On the one hand, it could be thought that national news has precedence rather than global news as such news is somewhere relevant to their life. For example, farmers who belong to rural areas want to know about agricultural prospects to increase the business. As a result, they tend to watch local news in the election period to know how much subsidies they are getting from the government. Moreover, followers of national news often find it difficult to compete at a global level since their knowledge is constraints. For instance, a person took participation in the renowned show titled “Who will be a millionaire? ” That person fails to answer many questions on the show because it contains questions from all over the world. On the other hand, I would argue that worldwide news is incredibly popular and important among people from different zones as hearing such news not only do they feel connected deeply with each other but also they are more aware of day-to-day happening regardless of geographical area. To exemplify, consider China, who is suffering from the outbreak disease of Coronavirus has a remarkable impact on the whole world. As a result, people will be aware of the symptoms of such diseases. Furthermore, if any country is affected by the crisis of politics, finance or climate, the entire world simultaneously would suffer from their economy’s currency fluctuations and the stock market. In conclusion, although national news assists them to be aware of surrounding as well as getting subsidies, through international news fluctuation, people will be aware of currencies and the stock market.
Being able to
be connected
with the whole world it is essential to listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
either it would be domestic or global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
over international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold the opinion that worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is imperative.

On the one hand, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has precedence
rather
than global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is somewhere relevant to their life.
For example
, farmers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
belong to rural areas want to know about agricultural prospects to increase the business.
As a result
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the election period to know how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
subsidies they are getting from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Moreover
, followers of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it difficult to compete at a global level since their knowledge is constraints.
For instance
, a person took participation in the renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
titled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Who
will be a millionaire? ” That person fails to answer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains questions from all over the world.

On the other hand
, I would argue that worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
incredibly
popular and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
zones as hearing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they feel connected
deeply
with each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
of day-to-day happening regardless of geographical area. To exemplify, consider China,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is suffering from the outbreak disease of Coronavirus has a remarkable impact
on the whole
world.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
of the symptoms of such diseases.
Furthermore
, if any country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the crisis of politics, finance or climate, the entire world
simultaneously
would suffer from their economy’s currency fluctuations and the stock market.

In conclusion
, although national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
assists them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
of surrounding
as well
as getting subsidies, through international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
fluctuation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
of currencies and the stock market.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Our thinking and behavior are often influenced by other people. When we admire and respect someone, we naturally try to imitate their behavior and attitudes. Groups of people whom we admire and whose behavior and attitudes we tend to imitate are known as v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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