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Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree? v.5

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 5
In society, because of genetics our characters are predestine before our birth and there is nothing will be done to modify our attributes. I can accept this to some extent only. Because, it is not possible to switch the physical appearance, But everyone has a chance to change in behaviour wise. Firstly, we can get voice, hair, height and so on and sometimes disorders like cancer, diabetes, hair falling and blood pressure etc. Coming from our forefathers are also not vary. Of Course, some people will get these genetic problems from father and some will get from the mother's side. It will depend on predominant of the person in the family. For instance, I have one baby girl who got hair style and voice of my wife, but her way of eating is like my father. Secondly, son of the doctor will not become a doctor and lawyer son will not become a lawyer. I mean that, all habituations will not come from their parents. If any person will get these habituations they have a chance to modify their behaviour by understanding the surrounding atmosphere while growing. For Example, so many politicians sons and daughters are not politicians, they are working in foreigns on different platforms. In Conclusion, I am confident that, most of the people have genetic problems in society. But, in some cases these are variable and in other cases, they are not possible to change.
In society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of genetics our characters are
Consider using a past participle here: "predestined".
predestine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
our birth and there is nothing will
be done
to modify our attributes. I can accept this to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it is not possible to switch the physical appearance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
everyone has a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
wise.

Firstly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
voice, hair, height and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
disorders like cancer, diabetes, hair falling and blood pressure etc. Coming from our forefathers are
also
not vary.
Of Course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these genetic problems from father and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the mother's side. It will depend on predominant of the person in the family.
For instance
, I have one baby girl who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hair style and voice of my wife,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her way of eating is like my father.

Secondly
, son of the doctor will not become a doctor and lawyer son will not become a lawyer.

I mean that, all
Possible spelling mistake found.
habituations
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their parents.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
any person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
habituations
they have a
Did you mean "change"?
chance
to modify their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by understanding the surrounding atmosphere while growing.
For Example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
politicians sons and daughters are not politicians, they are working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreigns on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
platforms.

In Conclusion
, I am confident that, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have genetic problems in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases these are variable and in other cases, they are not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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