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Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree? v.4

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 4
Personality describes you in the sense of the outer appearance as well as characteristics. Somewhere it is assumed that, genes play dominant role in deciding a person's character and nothing else can alter this. This essay will argue, even genes play a significant role in deciding the character traits, but there are many other factors which also play an important role. Character traits include both the qualities and the negative traits of an individual. Although outer looks are mostly determined by genes, but how someone presents himself, completely depends on his environment and his learning. For instance, if a person's parents are not good looking and not having good height, the person has more chances of having average looks and height. Still the fellow can learn many things from the surroundings and peer groups, like what to wear, how to speak in public and carry himself. So surrounding has a greater impact on personality and can alter human character. Personality is also related to what you have achieved in your life. Self-motivation and attitude can drastically change a person's character. An example of this, a child of a daily-wage labour, can become a great scientist if he is self-motivated and has a positive attitude of doing good things in life. Another example is a doctor's son not always become a doctor or successful, due to lack of motivation and positive attitude. So motivation and attitude also have a greater impact on personality. As personality is "what a person is, in inner and outer sense". I completely disagree that these characteristics are completely result of genes. There are many surrounding factors which affect the character traits.
Personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
you in the sense of the outer appearance
as well
as characteristics. Somewhere it
is assumed
that, genes play dominant role in deciding a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
and nothing else can alter this. This essay will argue, even genes play a significant role in deciding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors which
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role.

Character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
include both the qualities and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
of an individual. Although outer looks are
mostly
determined by genes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how someone presents himself, completely depends on his environment and his learning.
For instance
, if a person's parents are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
and not having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
height, the person has more chances of having average looks and height.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
the fellow can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from the surroundings and peer groups, like what to wear, how to speak in public and carry himself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
surrounding has a greater impact on personality and can alter human character.

Personality is
also
related to what you have achieved in your life. Self-motivation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
can
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
. An example of this, a child of a daily-wage
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, can become a great scientist if he is self-motivated and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
of doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things in life. Another example is a doctor's son not always become a doctor or successful, due to lack of motivation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
motivation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
also
have a greater impact on personality.

As personality is
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
what a person is, in inner and outer sense
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. I completely disagree that these characteristics are completely result of genes. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surrounding factors which affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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