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Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 3
I personally believe and agree that our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born. This is because we every single of us are unique and different. Only with the unique in us, we can have different ways to treat things and different ways to think. These variety of thinking can lead to innovations or even to new theories in different subjects. I respect the personality that is determined in our genes as I consider it as a part of the gift god gave to us when we were born. Although I agree to the first part of the sentence, but I disagree with the second part of the sentence which is saying that there is nothing that we can do to change or adjust it. I believe that we can change anything in the world as long as we have the heart to succeed and a determined mind. Furthermore, I believed that when we are young, we will be easily influenced and changed by the environment and the people around us. These factors may helped to shape our personality when we are young. Living near the forest when we are young may develop a personality that more willing to tyr new things. This is because he or she might already have tried many new kinds of things when they were young as there are many different and special things in the forest such as small animals for them to discover. Another factor that might change the personality is the people that is around us when we are young. This is a gigantic factor as your personality changes when you are being with a certain group of people for a long period of time. There is an idiom in Chinese called “近朱者赤，近墨者黑” This idiom can be defined as when you are near the color red, you will also become red, when you are near the color black, you will also become black. The color red symbolizes good and nice people in this idiom and the color black symbolizes bad people such as people that does not respect others. So, this idiom can be defined as when you stay with people that are good and nice, you will slowly become a good and nice person too. When you are being with people that are bad and bullies other, you will slowly become and join one of them too. From this idiom we can learn that people can be changed and influenced by other people. So, in conclusion, I believe that our personality is determined by our genes before we were born. But, our personality can be changed by people and the environment around us or even by ourselves.
I
personally
believe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that our personalities
are predetermined
as a result
of our genes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we
are born
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we every single of us are unique and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
with the unique in us, we can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways to treat things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Did you mean "this variety" or "These varieties"?
These variety
of thinking can lead to innovations or even to new theories in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
subjects. I respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
that
is determined
in our genes as I consider it as a part of the gift god gave to us when we
were born
.

Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
first
part of the sentence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with the second part of the sentence which is saying that there is nothing that we can do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
or adjust it. I believe that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
anything in the world as long as we have the heart to succeed and a determined mind.
Furthermore
, I believed that when we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, we will be
easily
influenced and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the environment and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us. These factors may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to shape our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
when we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. Living near the forest when we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
may develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
that more willing to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tyr
new things. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she might already have tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new kinds of things when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
and special things in the forest such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
animals for them to discover.

Another factor that might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that is
around us when we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. This is a gigantic factor as your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
when you are being with a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a long period of time. There is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idiom
in Chinese called “
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "近朱者赤, 近墨者黑".
近朱者赤，近墨者黑
” This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idiom
can
be defined
as when you are near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
color
red, you will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
red, when you are near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
color
black, you will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
black. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
color
red symbolizes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idiom
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
color
black symbolizes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that does not respect others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idiom
can
be defined
as when you stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and nice, you will
slowly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and nice person too. When you are being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and bullies other, you will
slowly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
one of them too. From this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idiom
we can learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and influenced by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in conclusion
, I believe that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is determined
by our genes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we
were born
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the environment around us or even by ourselves.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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