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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v.1

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 1
In the some countries, for example: USA, Australia, UK, they encourage teenagers to get a job while they are studying and in my opinion this is a good idea. Hence, in this essay I would like to express the reasons why this should be encouraged. There are three main reasons why we would encourage teenagers to take up any job while they are still studying. Firstly, once they acquire a job, they would get a first-hand experience on how to deal with different kinds of individuals from different backgrounds. In every job sector, we will have to deal with people of different nationalities. Hence, interacting with people before starting their carrier is very important. Secondly, we live in a world where the value of money is undermined by children. Therefore, once they start working, it would give them an understanding of how important it is to save and use money wisely. Furthermore, they would also start being more responsible in their life. Finally, as the interest rate for student loans have increased the past couple of years and it has become more difficult to pay it off, it is a good initiative to allow students to take up jobs while they are still studying to pay of the loans at the earliest. In addition, if they are from a poorer background, their extra income would also help to support their family. In conclusion, teenagers should take up any job while they are studying and it should be encouraged and promoted in other countries as well.
In the
Did you mean "same"?
some
countries,
for example
: USA, Australia, UK, they encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and in my opinion this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Hence
, in this essay I would like to express the reasons why this should
be encouraged
.

There are three main reasons why we would encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to take up any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
Firstly
, once they acquire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
first
-hand experience on how to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. In every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sector, we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities.
Hence
, interacting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their carrier is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world where the value of money
is undermined
by children.
Therefore
, once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working, it would give them an understanding of how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is to save and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money
wisely
.
Furthermore
, they would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
being more responsible in their life.
Finally
, as the interest rate for student loans have increased the past couple of years and it has become more difficult to pay it off, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
to pay of the loans at the earliest.
In addition
, if they are from a poorer background, their extra income would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to support their family.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should take up any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and it should
be encouraged
and promoted in other countries
as well
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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