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Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 3
Many believe, earning a good wage is vital, irrespective of their job satisfaction and few thinks in an opposite way. I believe job satisfaction is more important than working without interest for a big pay because, life is to live happier and everything else is secondary. First of all, a person who enjoys job can concentrate more on his or her work, often produce better results. They may also work longer hours effectively, which in-turn helps the company growth or goodwill with the clients. For example, one of my friends joined in a small accounting firm in 2011. Even though, he is paid less, he enjoys his job and helped his employee in generating good amounts of margins than expected. On the other side, if an employee cannot work productively because of the lack of interest in his job, there are high chances of making mistakes which affect his career in the longer run. If one is happy in his job and even if salary is less, he has a chance to prove his skills and by showcasing it to the employee, they can understand the salary concerns and promote him. For example, I use to work for a very less wage while I was working back in India, my manager identifies my talent and offered me an on-site chance. From then, both work and pay wise, I am in a better position than my friends who joined along with me. To conclude, although, a bigger pay scale person may enjoy the benefits of being luxurious, without proper concentration he may make a lot of mistakes which affects his career. So I prefer to do a job I enjoy irrespective of the wage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe, earning a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wage is vital, irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
Consider replacing "in an opposite way" with the adverb for "opposite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an opposite way
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than working without interest for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, life is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happier and everything else is secondary.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can concentrate more on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
produce better results. They may
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer hours
effectively
, which in-turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
growth or goodwill with the clients.
For example
, one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
accounting firm in 2011.
Even though
, he
is paid
less, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
his employee in generating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amounts of margins than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

On the other side, if an employee cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of interest in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, there are high chances of making mistakes which affect his career in the longer run. If one is happy in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and even if salary is less, he has a chance to prove his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and by showcasing it to the employee, they can understand the salary concerns and promote him.
For example
, I
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less wage while I was working back in India, my manager identifies my talent and offered me an on-site chance. From then, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and pay wise, I am in a better position than my friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
along with me.

To conclude
, although, a bigger pay scale person may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the benefits of being luxurious, without proper concentration he may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes which affects his career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I prefer to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
irrespective of the wage.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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