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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.5

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. v. 5
Increasing number of infants, approximately three quarters, is facing fat problem in Australia. Many people claim that children should be cared, observed what type of meal they have, how much they exercise regularly by schools. the essay will subscribe to this opinion slightly and put forward some other monitoring methods as to children health related matter. School should be liable to offsprings' daily routine such as, how much nutritious food they should take, when and how they should do physical exercise and the length of time they should spend on playing. Because, they are also a pivotal lesson of education as children spare a considerable amount of time in schools on a daily routine basis. As a result, children will be sturdy, strengthened and vigorous. For instance, In Vietnam, it is compulsory for teachers to look after and to be vigilant infants's modus operandi and modus vivendi as well as reveal a weekly report regarding their health. Along with teachers' accountability, however, parents watchfulness is a significant area concerning children foods and routine. Because, offsprings' stay more hours at home than schools. consequently, children will have the under strict observation and discrete routine so that they can eat hygienic and fat free food which lead them to be fit, slim, and healthy. For example, in our family, my parents along with me are very cautious of my youngest brother's and sister's health. To conclude, although teachers' responsibility cannot gainsay about students' health, but the family has an indispensable liability for children
Increasing number of infants, approximately three quarters, is facing
fat
problem in Australia.
Many
people
claim that
children
should
be cared
, observed what type of meal they have, how much they exercise
regularly
by schools.
the
essay will subscribe to this opinion
slightly
and put forward
some
other monitoring methods as to
children
health related matter.

School should be liable to
offsprings
' daily
routine
such as, how much nutritious food they should take, when and how they should do physical exercise and the length of time they should spend on playing.
Because
, they are
also
a pivotal lesson of education as
children
spare a considerable amount of time in schools on a daily
routine
basis.
As a result
,
children
will be sturdy, strengthened and vigorous.
For instance
, In Vietnam, it is compulsory for teachers to look after and to be vigilant
infants's
modus operandi and modus vivendi
as well
as reveal a weekly report regarding their health.

Along with teachers' accountability,
however
, parents watchfulness is a significant area concerning
children
foods and
routine
.
Because
,
offsprings
' stay more hours at home than schools.
consequently
,
children
will have the under strict observation and discrete
routine
so
that they can eat hygienic and
fat
free food which lead them to
be fit
, slim, and healthy.
For example
, in our family, my parents along with me are
very
cautious of my youngest brother's and sister's health.

To conclude
, although teachers' responsibility cannot gainsay about students' health,
but
the family has an indispensable liability for
children
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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IELTS essay Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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