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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.22

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 22
Most of the employees these days request for personal information as hobbies, marital status, etc. There are only a few who think that information is irrelevant to the job. Those types of people are solely interested in the candidate's experience and technical skill set. They assume that a person with great technical skills would be a valuable resource for their company to grow. Unlike those people who think that only technical skills matter, there are almost 80% of the employers who prefer to get to know their applicants during the interview. These employers are not only interested in knowing if the candidate is suitable for the job, but also to know their various skills, which may come in handy in the future. Personally, I would prefer to know about my future colleague. His/Her interests will help me in understanding them better. Discussing with them about their future prospects or passion will help them be more confident in communicating. From an employer's perspective, he can help his colleague in expanding his career, which in turn helps the organisation grow. When I newly joined my organisation, my new Project Manager was genuinely interested in my work, that he would try making small talks about my hobbies, passion and asking me if I needed any help. The type of conversation not only helped me in my work environment, but also increased my confidence and earned me a great deal of respect from my clients. After the 1st Quarter, my project team and clients gave me feedback saying that I did exceptionally well. The kind of work environment can only be developed if we know our peers personally.
Most of the employees these days request for personal information as hobbies, marital status, etc. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that information is irrelevant to the job. Those types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
solely
interested in the candidate's experience and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set. They assume that a person with great technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
would be a valuable resource for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to grow.

Unlike those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
matter, there are almost 80% of the employers who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
their applicants during the interview. These employers are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
interested in knowing if the candidate is suitable for the job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
their various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy in the future.

Personally
, I would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about my future colleague. His/Her interests will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
me in understanding them better. Discussing with them about their future prospects or passion will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them be more confident in communicating. From an employer's perspective, he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
his colleague in expanding his career, which in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
grow.

When I
newly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, my new Project Manager was
genuinely
interested in my work, that he would try making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
talks about my hobbies, passion and asking me if I needed any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. The type of conversation not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in my work environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increased my confidence and earned me a great deal of respect from my clients. After the 1st Quarter, my project team and clients gave me feedback saying that I did
exceptionally
well. The kind of work environment can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be developed
if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
our peers
personally
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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