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Most people believe that stricter punishment should be given for traffic offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Most people believe that stricter punishment should be given for traffic offences. v. 3
Violation of traffic rules has become one of the biggest menace in current times, hence many people believe that there must be better rules as well as severe penalties for not following the traffic rules properly. Whereas some people might be of the opinion that the penalty should not be severe, I strongly agree that there should be stricter punishment for traffic offences and violation. The whole idea of having traffic rules in the first place is to ensure proper decorum on road and minimise accidents. Traffic rules ensure smooth transportation of vehicles and pedestrians. If people start violating the rules the whole objective will be defied. People who do not follow traffic rules and signal should be penalised with hefty amount and the challan should be immediately issued. Many accidents which take place are the result of not following traffic rules by few ignorant commuters. People break signals resulting in traffic jams and inconvenience to commuters. There are many people who use helmet only because of the fear of penalty, hence it should also be followed diligently as helmet eventually is for the safety of commuters which people at times fail to understand. Even while driving four wheelers people do not put seat belt if they do not fear penalty for the same. While on highways there should be proper mechanism to check the speed of vehicles and strict punishment should be imposed on people violating the speed limit. While there might be few drawbacks also of severe penalty as it might be used by few corrupt personnel and they might exploit innocents but I believe the benefits and positive outcome would outweigh the negatives. Therefore considering the advantages of severe penalty over disadvantages I would strongly agree that severe punishment should be imposed for not following traffic rules.
Violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
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rules
has become one of the biggest menace in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times,
hence
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many
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people
believe that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be better
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rules
as well
as
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severe
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penalties
for not following the
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traffic
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rules
properly
. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
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might
be of the opinion that the
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penalty
should not be
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severe
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there should be stricter punishment for
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traffic
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
and violation.

The whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of having
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traffic
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rules
in the
first
place is to ensure proper decorum on road and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
accidents.
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Traffic
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rules
ensure smooth transportation of vehicles and pedestrians.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
violating the
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rules
the whole objective will
be defied
.
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People
who do not follow
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traffic
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rules
and signal should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalised' is British English.
penalised
with hefty amount and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
challan
should be immediately issued.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
accidents which take place are the result of not following
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traffic
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rules
by few ignorant commuters.
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People
break signals resulting in
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traffic
jams and inconvenience to commuters.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
helmet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear of
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penalty
,
hence
it should
also
be followed
diligently
as helmet
eventually
is for the safety of commuters which
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people
at times fail to understand. Even while driving four
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheelers
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people
do not put seat belt if they do not fear
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penalty
for the same. While on highways there should be proper mechanism to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the speed of vehicles and strict punishment should
be imposed
on
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people
violating the speed limit.

While there
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might
be few drawbacks
also
of
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severe
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penalty
as it
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might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by few corrupt
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personnel and
they
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might
exploit innocents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe the benefits and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome would outweigh the negatives.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
considering the advantages of
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severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
over disadvantages I would
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
severe
punishment should
be imposed
for not following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
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IELTS essay Most people believe that stricter punishment should be given for traffic offences.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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