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Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v.4

Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 4
Many local shops have been closed as people prefer to do shopping from the malls. This essay will discuss that this development having negative points, the threat of the culture and tradition lost, but the impact of the positive development is more provides the place which contains more item as it saves time and money. To begin, one of the important benefits of this development is that, shopping centre contains a large variety of items from the various brands so, one can get the variety of products from the same place which save time. In addition, these will contain items from the various international brands which attract the people by giving the more discount which helps to save money. For example, if one wants to buy the clothes and glossary for the beauty product then finds all the one from the one place. At last, a person likes to do the shopping which serves the modern products and helps one to save time and money. On the other hand, these will also give a negative impact on the others by no one likes to do shopping from the local shop. However, they will feel that if this continues then, society and culture will be lost as the future generation not knows about their culture. For instance, local shops provide a traditional cloth which serves the information about the tradition while the malls contains clothes from the western culture. Furthermore, the local shops have closed then, creates more unemployment as people having no work as a result they start to appear in the criminal activity. In conclusion, the essay discussed some negative points which contain a loss of cultural tradition, even also generate unemployment ratio increases, but more advantages in terms of saving time and money use the modern facility.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have
been closed
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from the malls. This essay will discuss that this development having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points, the threat of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition lost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the impact of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development is more provides the place which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
more item as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits of this development is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
a large variety of items from the various brands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the variety of products from the same place which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
, these will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contain
items from the various international brands which attract the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by giving the more discount which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
money.
For example
, if one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the clothes and glossary for the beauty product then finds all the one from the one place. At last, a person likes to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
which serves the modern products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.

On the other hand
, these will
also
give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the others by no one likes to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
However
, they will feel that if this continues then, society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will
be lost
as the future generation not knows about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
provide a traditional cloth which serves the information about the tradition while the malls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
clothes from the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have closed then, creates more unemployment as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having no work
as a result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to appear in the criminal activity.

In conclusion
, the essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contain
a loss of cultural tradition, even
also
generate unemployment ratio increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more advantages in terms of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the modern facility.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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