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Using the examples of the star thistle and the Kit fox, describe two ways roads can affect the environment. v.1

Using the examples of the star thistle and the Kit fox, describe two ways roads can affect the environment. v. 1
While wearing uniforms is a mandatory regulation for many schools, some other schools waive this requirement and give permissions for students to have their decisions on outfits. From my perspective, I have subscribed to the former view that school should require students to wear uniforms. I will explain my reasons in the essay below. Various reasons can be put forward to elaborate on why students should wear uniforms. The first preponderant reason is that having uniforms can help students to learn about keeping discipline. This is because, for teenagers, it is important for them to pay less attention on their outlooks and focus on study. So, leaving them with their own clothing choices means there might be a risk that teenagers will wear inappropriate clothing. For example, school girls will start to wear short skirts or T-shirt with a lot of cleavage because they want to attract boys’ attention. Therefore, by having uniforms, choosing outfits will not be a concern at schools, which then allow teachers and principals to allocate their resources on curriculum quality and learning process. Second, the existence of uniforms can eliminate the economic discrimination. The explanation for this could be that dress styles can strongly depict financial status, which can violate the equality in educational environments. From students’ perspective, poor children may experience shame and lose self-confidence since they cannot afford to buy fancy clothes as their classmates. Besides, teachers might give more privilege for the rich students by looking at the clothes. As a result, having same dress code will reduce this risk and give students a positive and fair classroom climate. In conclusion, it is crucial to understand the merits from the uniforms in educational environments. It not only maintains school discipline, but also excludes economic discrimination.
While wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
is a mandatory regulation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
waive this requirement and give permissions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have their decisions on outfits. From my perspective, I have subscribed to the former view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in the essay below.

Various reasons can
be put
forward to elaborate on why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
. The
first
preponderant reason is that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn about keeping discipline. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to pay less attention on their outlooks and focus on study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, leaving them with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothing choices means there might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
inappropriate clothing.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
girls will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
short skirts or T-shirt with
Possible agreement error. The noun cleavage seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of cleavages".
a lot of cleavage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to attract boys’ attention.
Therefore
, by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
, choosing outfits will not be a concern at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
teachers and principals to allocate their resources on curriculum quality and learning process.

Second, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
can eliminate the economic discrimination. The explanation for this could be that dress styles can
strongly
depict financial status, which can violate the equality in educational environments. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
perspective, poor children may experience shame and lose self-confidence since they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fancy clothes as their classmates.
Besides
, teachers might give more privilege for the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by looking at the clothes.
As a result
, having same dress code will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
classroom climate.

In conclusion
, it is crucial to understand the merits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
in educational environments. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
maintains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
excludes economic discrimination.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Using the examples of the star thistle and the Kit fox, describe two ways roads can affect the environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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