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Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v.2

Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 2
Nowadays, tourists love to spot the less developed areas and other countries. From my prospective, this phenomenon has both fruitful consequences on the local people and adverse impact on environmental quality. To begin with, the visit to rudimentary areas brings financial support for inhabitants and creates more job opportunities. More tourists mean more space required for accommodation. This increase the workforce and money for people. For example, many Northern areas of Pakistan are dependent on the tourist, and they earn a heavy amount from these peoples. In other ways, Tourism caters the need of the masses. Moreover, another benefit is that the Government also started to pay attention on the development of these communities. The state provides amenities for locals and invests a handsome amount on the improvement of infrastructure such as roads, buildings, and IT sector. Because this industry is beneficial for both parties and creates a Win-Win situation. However, it has some pitfalls as well on the environment. Firstly, people are carefree to spread littering anywhere. The excessive use of transportation damages the air quality, and ultimately, it degrades the quality of life. Secondly, this development disturbs the daily life of many species. In the race of exploring more avenues of nature, they put the life of special animals at risk. Lastly, the tourist are very keen to know about the living patterns of the locals, and they ask so many questions and enter their houses. By doing this the natives feel awkward towards the behaviour of tourists. By way of conclusion, every development comes up with positive and horrible outcomes. I believe the tourist supports the natives and state in many ways apart from some easily addressable issues.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spot the less developed areas and other countries. From my prospective, this phenomenon has both fruitful consequences on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and adverse impact on environmental quality.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the visit to rudimentary areas brings financial support for inhabitants and creates more job opportunities. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
mean more space required for accommodation. This increase the workforce and money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Northern areas of Pakistan are dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
, and they earn a heavy amount from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. In other ways,

Tourism caters the need of the masses.
Moreover
, another benefit is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to pay attention on the development of these communities. The state provides amenities for locals and invests a handsome amount on the improvement of infrastructure such as roads, buildings, and IT sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this industry is beneficial for both parties and creates a Win-Win situation.

However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls
as well
on the environment.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are carefree to spread littering anywhere. The excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of transportation damages the air quality, and
ultimately
, it degrades the quality of life.
Secondly
, this development disturbs the daily life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species. In the race of exploring more avenues of nature, they put the life of special animals at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to know about the living patterns of the locals, and they ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions and enter their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. By doing this the natives feel awkward towards the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of tourists.

By way of conclusion, every development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and horrible outcomes. I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
supports the natives and state in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways apart from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easily
addressable issues.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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