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Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v.1

Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 1
The past few years have witnessed the burgeoning growth of organized tours to secluded parts of the world. From my perspective, this phenomenon brings both and beneficial and adverse outcomes on the locals and the environmental quality. The ever-increasing popularity of package tours to rural areas offers definite perks. Regarding the locals, they can enjoy the amelioration in the living standard. To achieve an increment in tourist arrivals and cater for the growing demand of incoming tourists, more entertainment facilities and transport infrastructure within these locations are often established and improved. Such easier access to better amenities can bring more joy and make lives less difficult in remote areas. As for the environment, tourists tend to show preference for lush and verdant space when it comes to what countryside or far flung retreats has to offer. Thus, more trees would be planted and the air quality would then be significantly improved. However, there can also be certain negative impacts brought by this trend that are worth mentioning. Firstly, the development of this mode of tourism may give rise to environmental degradation. Organized tours often bring a massive number of tourists to remote and previously unspoilt areas. This can be explained by a significant amount of water and air pollution as environmentally unconscious tourists may throw litter or spit on the streets. Secondly, tourists should also be held accountable for causing enormous disturbance to the life of locals. Intrigued by the exotic way of living that they hardly encounter in their daily life, some tourists may give themselves the autonomy to interfere with local residents’ life such as freely going into their houses to explore, or asking too many questions surrounding their private lives. In conclusion, both beneficial and detrimental effects on local people and the environment can be seen as a result of the rise in trips to distant regions.
The past few years have witnessed the burgeoning growth of organized tours to secluded parts of the world. From my perspective, this phenomenon brings both and beneficial and adverse outcomes on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and the environmental quality.

The ever-increasing popularity of package tours to rural areas offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
perks. Regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
, they can enjoy the amelioration in the living standard. To achieve an increment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
arrivals and cater for the growing demand of incoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, more entertainment facilities and transport infrastructure within these locations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
established and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Such easier access to better amenities can bring more joy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
less difficult in remote areas. As for the environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
preference for lush and verdant space when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to what countryside or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far flung
retreats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer.
Thus
, more trees would
be planted
and the air quality would then be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

However
, there can
also
be certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts brought by this trend that are worth mentioning.
Firstly
, the development of this mode of tourism may give rise to environmental degradation. Organized tours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bring a massive number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to remote and previously
Possible spelling mistake found.
unspoilt
areas. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by a significant amount of water and air pollution as
environmentally
unconscious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may throw litter or spit on the streets.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should
also
be held
accountable for causing enormous disturbance to the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. Intrigued by the exotic way of living that they hardly encounter in their daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may give themselves the autonomy to interfere with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents’ life such as
freely
going into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to explore, or asking too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions surrounding their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, both beneficial and detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the environment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a result
of the rise in trips to distant regions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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