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Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give you opinion. v.3

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 3
While some believe that the internet has been bringing masses close together, others think that individuals and communities are getting lonely. Whilst a discussion of both views is worthwhile, I am a strong supporter of the latter statement. To begin with, the internet has reduced distances among people. In other words, nowadays masses can get in touch with their family and peers with just a click of a button. Moreover, it has become easier for everyone in today’s time to exchanges messages and pictures instantly. A prime example of this is Facebook which allows its users to communicate with people throughout the world. One can easily send texts, share pictures, video call through this application. However, although the internet has effectively played a role in bringing people together worldwide, it cannot replace a person’s physical presence. On the other hand, some individuals tend to feel left out. This is because, with the internet at our disposal, we have reduced physical contact with each other which has made people feel alone. Also, communication over the internet cannot replicate emotions that are felt in each other’s presence which makes a person feel disconnected. For instance, a survey conducted by the National health commission in the United States of America revealed that people who are devoid of human interaction are more likely to feel isolated. Therefore, in my opinion, I believe that the internet has made people feel secluded. In conclusion, I believe that even though the internet has brought individuals closer globally, it has also caused an increased uprising in the isolation felt by the community and its members.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the internet has been bringing masses close together, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individuals and communities are getting lonely. Whilst a discussion of both views is worthwhile, I am a strong supporter of the latter statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
distances among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, nowadays masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their family and peers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of a button.
Moreover
, it has become easier for everyone in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s time to exchanges messages and pictures
instantly
. A prime example of this is Facebook which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
its users to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world. One can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
texts, share pictures, video call through this application.
However
, although the internet has
effectively
played a role in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together worldwide, it cannot replace a person’s physical presence.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, with the internet at our disposal, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
physical contact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
which has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
alone.
Also
, communication over the internet cannot replicate emotions that
are felt
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
presence which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
disconnected.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the National health commission in the United States of America revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are devoid of human interaction are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
isolated.
Therefore
, in my opinion, I believe that the internet has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secluded.

In conclusion
, I believe that
even though
the internet has brought individuals closer globally, it has
also
caused an increased uprising in the isolation felt by the community and its members.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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