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Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v.2

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 2
There is no denying the fact that tourism is growing tremendously in today’s era as travel can broaden your horizons and give you a new perspective about life all over the world. Therefore, some tours which organized to visit some far- sighted places are becoming more popular because people nowadays show a bigger prefers to see new areas. However, there are some upwards and downwards trend to both local people and the environment. Admittedly, the growth of the tourism industry has brought enormous benefits to local people. More tourists mean greater demand for food, accommodation and services, all of which create job opportunities and help to alleviate unemployment in the area. For instance, there are some museums for tourists to visit to obtain knowledge about the local history and observe some historical relics that unique to one region. The development of tourism also has ripple effects on local infrastructure, with more roads and bridges being built to meet the need of the tourists. Moreover, with the development of the area, local residents are able to earn a living by selling souvenirs such as handicrafts or postcards to visitors. On the other hand, this trend would merely bring detrimental effects to the environment of the area, particularly plants and animal species. A case in point is that, more gigantic trees would be chopped down by the local authorities to build some huge entertainment parks. The construction of buildings would definitely contaminate the area, thus affected directly to the life of local people. Additionally, many kinds of rare animals couldn’t escape the destiny of being killed to make exotic dishes to serve the demands of the majority of tourists who desired to experience new things in the area. In conclusion, the rapid growth of organized tourisms to remote destinations could bring about advantages to the lives of local people but also disadvantages in terms of environment. I believe that the government should have adopted a proper planning and policies for their own area to develop the tourism in the future.
There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is growing
tremendously
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era as travel can broaden your horizons and give you a new perspective about life all over the world.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tours which organized to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
far- sighted places are becoming more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a bigger prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
upwards and downwards trend to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the environment.

Admittedly
, the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry has brought enormous benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
mean greater demand for food, accommodation and services, all of which create job opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to alleviate unemployment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
museums for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to visit to obtain knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history and observe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
historical relics that unique to one region. The development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
also
has ripple effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
infrastructure, with more roads and bridges
being built
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Moreover
, with the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents are able to earn a living by selling souvenirs such as handicrafts or postcards to visitors.

On the other hand
, this trend would
merely
bring detrimental effects to the environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
particularly
plants and animal species. A case in point is that, more gigantic trees would
be chopped
down by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authorities to build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
huge entertainment parks. The construction of buildings would definitely contaminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
directly
to the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of rare animals couldn’t escape the destiny of
being killed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
exotic dishes to serve the demands of the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who desired to experience new things in the area.

In conclusion
, the rapid growth of organized
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourisms
to remote destinations could bring about advantages to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disadvantages in terms of environment. I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have adopted a proper planning and policies for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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