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More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v.2

More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v. 2
Most students at university nowadays rarely choose science faculty. There are more reasons why no selected this subject. This issue occurs cause in Thailand at the current no enough salary and welfare. Decreasing choice science can reduce the worker who professes this role. This essay will consider this point. Currently, many students who will study college do not select science. First of all, learners who study science must have good scores to enter college. Therefore, this condition makes students study hard and spend money a lot to take extra tutorial classes. Science faculty spends time to learning more than other majors. Moreover, Scientists, doctors or engineers do not have good salaries and welfare. Next, more students choose other subjects because it is easy to find careers and study not hard. For example, social socializing in the future, possibly makes easy work and money, such as blogger, drop shipper and online. In addition, postgraduate students do not work with science, it can increase people deficient in this career. It can have many problems, for example, Thailand and other countries encounter issues about viruses. Thus, doctors and scientists are important for helping and protecting citizens. To conclude, it can be seen that there are many reasons why nowadays more students do not choose science to study. As mentioned above, sciences are difficult to learn and spend more time than other major. Welfare and salary are not worth studying when compared with other occupations. The government should pay attention to this condition because this career is essential for the country.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at university nowadays rarely choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
faculty. There are more reasons why
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
selected this subject. This issue occurs cause in Thailand at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary and welfare. Decreasing choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the worker who professes this role. This essay will consider this point.

Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
college do not select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, learners who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores to enter college.
Therefore
, this condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and spend money a lot to take extra tutorial classes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
faculty spends time to learning more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
majors.
Moreover
, Scientists, doctors or engineers do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries and welfare.
Next
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easy to find careers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
For example
, social socializing in the future,
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
easy work and money, such as blogger, drop shipper and online.

In addition
, postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, it can increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deficient in this career. It can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems,
for example
, Thailand and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries encounter issues about viruses.
Thus
, doctors and scientists are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for helping and protecting citizens.

To conclude
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why nowadays more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. As mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
are difficult to learn and spend more time than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
major. Welfare and salary are not worth studying when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay attention to this condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this career is essential for the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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