Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Opinions divide concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development, nature or nurture. What is your opinion? v.1

Opinions divide concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development, nature or nurture. What is your opinion? v. 1
The last 25 years have seen significant changes in people's outlook towards life and as a result, family ties notably weakened. Modernisation and changing lifestyles have changed family values of people, over time. In this essay, I will discuss some of the several factors responsible for this change and will also suggest ways in which families can develop a stronger bond. Firstly, one of the many causes, is the growth of technology and a busy work schedule. Developments and advancement in the field of Computer Science have made lives considerably easier, but have greatly hampered the family ties and due to this, young people have moved to different cities and countries in search of better jobs and improved life quality. For example, in China, there is almost a 40% fall, in joint family structures because the younger Chinese generation have moved and are moving to distant English speaking countries for career advancement opportunities and higher remuneration. Another big factor, is the rise of the social media. The younger generation is more interested in maintaining friendships and relations with their families, via platforms like Facebook, Google and Instagram, rather than, participating in social gatherings and family functions. Such as, in the U. S, now only 40% of the American population, have dinner together with their families. Also, for instance, the fast track, busy lifestyle in the Netherlands and Germany, has lead to a 30% decrease in Christmas and Thanksgiving family get-togethers. There are different ways in which this problem can be minimised and families can be brought together. Education and raising awareness about the importance of sharing a strong bond with relatives should be highlighted. As revealed by schools in Canada, where moral science curriculums have stressed on teaching children, the benefits and values of sharing close-knit ties with cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts and parents. Therefore, more Canadians have realised the significance of relationships and are spending more time with their near and dear ones. Furthermore, the governments and multinational companies worldwide, can take steps to reduce job related pressure. They should allow more incentives and grant paid leave, so that family members can enjoy their time with each-other. To exemplify, many Scandinavian corporate companies have started a 4-day work week and have increased the wages and annual paid leave of their employees. Owing to this, there has been great improvement in the social life of the Danes and the Norwegians, where the youth is seen, spending their vacations socialising with their grandparents and cousins. In summary, the 21st century has observed prominent technological advancements, the popularity of social media, mass immigration, professional growth, and educational competitions which have impacted close-knit family structures in a negative way, worldwide. Even though, familial relationship ties today, are not as strong as it used to be in the past, the government and individuals can always work together and raise awareness to bring people together, by reducing workload, increasing wages, granting more paid leave, organising family gatherings and ensuring these implementations take place.
The last 25 years have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's outlook towards life and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties
notably
weakened.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Modernisation' is British English.
Modernisation
and changing lifestyles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
values of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, over time. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
several factors responsible for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and will
also
suggest ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can develop a stronger bond.

Firstly
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes, is the growth of technology and a busy work schedule. Developments and advancement in the field of Computer Science have made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
considerably
easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
greatly
hampered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties and due to this, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities and countries in search of better jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
life quality.
For example
, in China, there is almost a 40% fall, in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the younger Chinese generation have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
and are moving to distant
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
countries for career advancement opportunities and higher remuneration. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factor, is the rise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media. The younger generation is more interested in maintaining friendships and relations with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, via platforms like Facebook, Google and Instagram,
rather
than, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
functions. Such as, in the U. S,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% of the American population, have dinner together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Also
,
for instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, busy lifestyle in the Netherlands and Germany, has lead to a 30% decrease in Christmas and Thanksgiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-togethers.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways in which this problem can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
be brought
together. Education and raising awareness about the importance of sharing a strong bond with relatives should
be highlighted
. As revealed by schools in Canada, where moral science curriculums have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
on teaching children, the benefits and values of sharing close-knit ties with cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts and parents.
Therefore
, more Canadians have
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
the significance of relationships and are spending more time with their near and dear ones.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
worldwide, can take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
job related pressure. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more incentives and grant paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can enjoy their time with each-other. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Scandinavian corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a 4-day work week and have increased the wages and annual paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
of their employees. Owing to this, there has been great improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life of the Danes and the Norwegians, where the youth is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, spending their vacations
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with their grandparents and cousins.

In summary, the 21st century has observed prominent technological advancements, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, mass immigration, professional growth, and educational competitions which have impacted close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way, worldwide.
Even though
, familial relationship ties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, are not as strong as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals can always work together and raise awareness to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together, by reducing workload, increasing wages, granting more paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gatherings and ensuring these implementations take place.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Opinions divide concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development, nature or nurture. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
498 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts