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Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. Discuss both views, give opinions. v.1

Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. v. 1
The debate on whether to prioritize the spending of the government funds on the arts over the other social and economic problems faced by the country has always been a hot topic. There are valid arguments on both sides, but in my view, the money should be spent more on the other basic difficulties faced by the entire population as compared to the promotion of the various arts. First and foremost, the government should allocate its budget on a priority basis where the public services such as education, health, employment, and infrastructure should be the prime issues. In fact, attributing the budgets to these sectors will improve the literacy rate, decrease the unemployment level, and develops the public transportation, which will subsequently result in the escalating the standards of a nation. For instance, an easily accessible comprehensive health service provided by well established hospitals will lower the mortality and morbidity rate and thus, consequently increases the life span of the citizens. Similarly, the standardized education provided by the schools and the universities will help the students in grabbing a good job opportunity and the better future prospects. Contrarily, the government holds a responsibility to preserve the culture and heritage of the country which is exhibited through the several forms of arts. These days, many art galleries and museums are having the financial issues for their survival in the growing world of science and technology. However, art plays an important role through boosting the self esteem, stimulating the creativity and reducing the stress. Moreover, these institutions can generate the revenue and boost economy through tourism and encouraging the people to spend their leisure time by watching the live music and the theatre performances. To recapitulate, I opine that more money should be used for the development and improvement of the public services in relation to art as it will be more worthwhile for the welfare of the entire society.
The debate on whether to prioritize the spending of the
government
funds on the
arts
over the other social and economic problems faced by the country has always been a hot topic. There are valid arguments on both sides,
but
in my view, the money should
be spent
more on the other basic difficulties faced by the entire population as compared to the promotion of the various arts.

First
and foremost, the
government
should allocate its budget on a priority basis where the public services such as education, health, employment, and infrastructure should be the prime issues. In fact, attributing the budgets to these sectors will
improve
the literacy rate, decrease the unemployment level, and develops the public transportation, which will
subsequently
result in the escalating the standards of a nation.
For instance
, an
easily
accessible comprehensive health service provided by well established hospitals will lower the mortality and morbidity rate and
thus
,
consequently
increases the life span of the citizens.
Similarly
, the standardized education provided by the schools and the universities will
help
the students in grabbing a
good
job opportunity and the better future prospects.

Contrarily
, the
government
holds a responsibility to preserve the culture and heritage of the country which
is exhibited
through the several forms of
arts
. These days,
many
art
galleries and museums are having the financial issues for their survival in the growing world of science and technology.
However
,
art
plays an
important
role through boosting the
self esteem
, stimulating the creativity and reducing the
stress
.
Moreover
, these institutions can generate the revenue and boost economy through tourism and encouraging the
people
to spend their leisure time by watching the
live
music and the
theatre
performances.

To recapitulate, I opine that more money should be
used
for the development and improvement of the public services in relation to
art
as it will be more worthwhile for the welfare of the entire society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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