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Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. Discuss both views, give opinions. v.2

Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. v. 2
In the world of unimaginable technologies and magnificent inventions, it is supported that manipulating the human’s development is one of the most crucial elements in the long run whereas fostering naturally is advocated to bring enormous benefits. In this essay, both views will be demonstrated evidently. To begin with, putting little or no control over the growth of persons can be startlingly advantageous. When an individual has a choice to pursue the favorable ambition from the age of two to five, he or she will hardly encounter any unnecessary pressure from the family, hence diminishing the demoralization or dissension. Moreover, it is proven that children who naturally opt for occupations relating to art such as musician or artist will demonstrate exceptional talents, which may help them produce such outstanding performances and become prolific figures if they are able to live in an appropriate environment. Nonetheless, a number of people state that raising a child methodically is the prerequisite to acquire fruitful results ultimately. Since children are so susceptible to hazardous factors like social temptation, those who live in an ill-educated family, for example, may resort to involving in crimes as a negative imitation. Without adequate supervision from the adults, the development of young generation would suffer from detrimental impacts. Besides, providing respectable care yet not too demanding may not only facilitate the suitable orientation of the youngsters but also broaden their tunnel vision, thus eliminate the misapprehension and help them choose the proper pathway in the future. Last but not least, the nurtured citizens are usually more courage and self-reliant in harsh circumstances than the naturally raised thanks to the lessons and the wisdom that they have learnt before from the precedents. In conclusion, naturally bringing up children is great, but it is not as tremendous as carefully nurturing them on account of its long-term benefits.
In the world of unimaginable technologies and magnificent inventions, it
is supported
that manipulating the human’s development is one of the most crucial elements in the long run whereas fostering
naturally
is advocated
to bring enormous benefits. In this essay, both views will
be demonstrated
evidently
.

To
begin
with, putting
little
or no control over the growth of persons can be
startlingly
advantageous. When an individual has a choice to pursue the favorable ambition from the age of two to five, he or she will hardly encounter any unnecessary pressure from the family,
hence
diminishing the demoralization or dissension.
Moreover
, it
is proven
that children who
naturally
opt for occupations relating to art such as musician or artist will demonstrate exceptional talents, which may
help
them produce such outstanding performances and become prolific figures if they are able to
live
in an appropriate environment.

Nonetheless, a number of
people
state that raising a child
methodically
is the prerequisite to acquire fruitful results
ultimately
. Since children are
so
susceptible to hazardous factors like social temptation, those who
live
in an ill-educated family,
for example
, may resort to involving in crimes as a
negative
imitation. Without adequate supervision from the adults, the development of young generation would suffer from detrimental impacts.
Besides
, providing respectable care
yet
not too demanding may not
only
facilitate the suitable orientation of the youngsters
but
also
broaden their tunnel vision,
thus
eliminate the misapprehension and
help
them choose the proper pathway in the future. Last
but
not least, the nurtured citizens are
usually
more courage and self-reliant in harsh circumstances than the
naturally
raised thanks to the lessons and the wisdom that they have
learnt
before
from the precedents.

In conclusion
,
naturally
bringing up children is great,
but
it is not as tremendous as
carefully
nurturing them on account of its long-term benefits.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people hold that nature places a more important role in people development. However, others believe nurture is the decisive factor. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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