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It is better for one to keep himself away from diseases than to spend a lot to cure. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for one to keep himself away from diseases than to spend a lot to cure. v. 1
It is the dream of every individual to build and enjoy a prosperous career. Although some people are of the opinion that in order to achieve this success a university or college degree is required, others opine that starting a job immediately after high school is preferable. This essay will discuss both ends of the spectrum and explain why obtaining a higher education would position a person for better opportunities in the chosen profession. On the one hand, starting a job immediately on completion of secondary school would translate to financial independence for the individual. Being financially independent means that he/she can afford a home or a car without necessarily waiting for financial input from parents or guardians. In addition, people who join the work force at early stages of their lives tend to gain real and valuable experiences quicker than their other counterparts. This invariably serves as an incentive for people to choose to commence work immediately after obtaining secondary certificate, however, there would be a limit to which they can progress in the corporate space. Conversely, advancing to a university or college presents better career opportunities for most people. With the labour market becoming increasingly competitive, individuals with college degrees are well suited to take up the best available roles as recruiters often believe that these people have acquired the necessary technical knowledge and know-how while studying. For example, in Nigeria, most recruiters would offer entry level or experienced roles to anyone provided that the applicant has a Bachelor's or Higher National Diploma degree. Whereas, most jobs offered to High school certificate holders are menial jobs like cleaners, security etc. In addition, certain professions like medicine and law require higher degrees before anyone can practice in those fields. It is therefore clear that without a university degree, having a profession of choice might seem impossible. In conclusion, although the thought of being financially independent at early stages sounds very tempting, I am of the opinion that to enjoy a long lasting and successful line of work, dedicating additional three to four years to study at a higher institution would bring about greater rewards.
It is the dream of every individual to build and enjoy a prosperous career. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that in order to achieve this success a university or college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is required
, others opine that starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately after high school is preferable. This essay will discuss both ends of the spectrum and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why obtaining a higher education would position a person for better opportunities in the chosen profession.

On the one hand, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately on completion of secondary school would translate to financial independence for the individual. Being
financially
independent means that he/she can afford a home or a car without
necessarily
waiting for financial input from parents or guardians.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the work force at early stages of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
tend to gain real and valuable experiences quicker than their other counterparts. This
invariably
serves as an incentive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose to commence work immediately after obtaining secondary certificate,
however
, there would be a limit to which they can progress in the corporate space.

Conversely
, advancing to a university or college presents better career opportunities for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. With the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market becoming
increasingly
competitive, individuals with college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
are well suited to take up the best available roles as recruiters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have acquired the necessary technical knowledge and know-how while studying.
For example
, in Nigeria, most recruiters would offer entry level or experienced roles to anyone provided that the applicant has a Bachelor's or Higher National Diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. Whereas, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
offered to High school certificate holders are menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like cleaners, security etc.
In addition
, certain professions like medicine and law require higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
anyone can practice in those fields. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that without a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, having a profession of choice might seem impossible.

In conclusion
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of being
financially
independent at early stages sounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tempting, I am of the opinion that to enjoy a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
and successful line of work, dedicating additional three to four years to study at a higher institution would bring about greater rewards.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is better for one to keep himself away from diseases than to spend a lot to cure. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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