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Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem v. 1
Protection of our birth planet has been raising many heads in the past decade, be it because of global warming, Amazon fires, extinction of habitat or various other reasons. Even though many people claim that the responsibility of protecting our mother earth is of politicians, I believe that, it belongs to each every person living on this planet. Although, the politicians are the flag bearers of the government we have elected, but following the rules implied is an individual responsibility. We have seen many cases, where people constantly find a loophole in current rules with an aim to bypass it. For instance, a major car company tricked the carbon emission system for years, until later it was caught and duly charged for it, but by the damage caused to the environment was irreversible. Instead of finding notorious ways to dodge the rules if we try to focus on the good, we can probably save ourselves for wrath various problems we are inviting. Moreover, the government has started focusing on public awareness, not because individuals can do little, but because a small change done by a large number of people, results in a juggernaut of force that will drive us towards the goal. If people protest against the decisions taken against environmental safety, the decisions are reverted. Various NGO's and celebrities, work towards plastic bans and other causes without any affiliation of the government proving that politicians are not the only ones that can bring up the change. In conclusion, I would like to say, with proper motivations and assistance, each individual can make a difference, as we live in the shared space of this world and keeping it safe is as important as keep the our home safe.
Protection of our birth planet has been raising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
heads in the past decade, be it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of global warming, Amazon fires, extinction of habitat or various other reasons.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the responsibility of protecting our mother earth is of politicians, I believe that, it belongs to each every person living on this planet.

Although, the politicians are the flag bearers of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
we have elected,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
implied is an individual responsibility. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constantly
find a loophole in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
with an aim to bypass it.
For instance
, a major car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
tricked the carbon emission system for years, until later it
was caught
and
duly
charged for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by the damage caused to the environment was irreversible.
Instead
of finding notorious ways to dodge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
if we try to focus on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, we can
probably
save ourselves for wrath various problems we are inviting.

Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
focusing on public awareness, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
done by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, results in a juggernaut of force that will drive us towards the goal. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
protest against the decisions taken against environmental safety, the decisions
are reverted
. Various
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'NGO'.
NGO's
and celebrities, work towards plastic bans and other causes without any affiliation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
proving that politicians are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones that can bring up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say, with proper motivations and assistance, each individual can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the shared space of this world and keeping it safe is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our home" or "the home"?
the our home
safe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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