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Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Usage of online had become popular now-a-days. People are using it for sharing information and they more are becoming more aware of the news. There are more advantages than disadvantages like people are becoming aware of everything, while there are few demerits like improper usage of internet. To begin with, the life of the people has improved by the use of the web. Because all the health related apps are associated with the wifi, with these people will learn the advantages from the instructor, so that they can prevent the diseases. They can stay healthy without spending money on hospitals. For example, in 2008, the U. S government made WWW access free, so that people can become more conscious about their health. The public has become more healthier after this implementation. Secondly, sharing details are also useful. Through online the data can be sent quickly within a fraction of seconds rather than writing a letter and posting it. A large amount of information can be sent without any limitation. To the instance, in 20th century scientists have discovered web sources which made people easy to send particulars from one place to another within seconds. Finally, there are few drawbacks like misbehaving. It has become easy for people to tease someone, and this often leads to danger. The affected ones are not able to concentrate on their studies, it has become more difficult to live in our society without safety. For a sample, in Delhi, after the assessment of cellular net, the crime rate has increased a lot. To conclude, the internet has become useful for many people for sharing their views and becoming more alert of their lives. However, there are some demerits like misusing.
Usage of online had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are using it for sharing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
they more are becoming more aware of the news. There are more advantages than disadvantages like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming aware of everything, while there are few demerits like improper usage of internet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the web.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
all the health related apps
are associated
with the
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
, with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will learn the advantages from the instructor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the diseases. They can stay healthy without spending money on hospitals.
For example
, in 2008, the U. S
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made WWW access free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more conscious about their health. The public has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
after this implementation.
Secondly
, sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are
also
useful. Through online the data can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
quickly
within a fraction of seconds
rather
than writing a letter and posting it. A large amount of information can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
without any limitation. To the instance, in 20th century scientists have discovered web sources which made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
particulars from one place to another within seconds.

Finally
, there are few drawbacks like misbehaving. It has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to tease someone, and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
ones are not able to concentrate on their studies, it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in our society without safety. For a sample, in Delhi, after the assessment of cellular net, the crime rate has increased a lot.

To conclude
, the internet has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for sharing their views and becoming more alert of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits like misusing.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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