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Online shopping is increasing significantly. What are the effects that might be on the environment and the types of jobs which were required? v.1

Online shopping is increasing significantly. What are the effects that might be on the environment and the types of jobs which were required? v. 1
In this modern world, the trend of purchasing products through e-commerce websites has grown remarkably. In my opinion, it has a positive impact on nature as there is a decrease in the pollution level, and it creates employment like a software developer. To begin with, there is a decline of harmful substances into the environment due to the increase in online shopping because people can purchase while sitting at home through the internet. So, they do not need to go outside of their house. Thus, the masses do not use their vehicles to go and shop in their local market. Consequently, there will decline in the pollution level. For example, when people do not drive to do shopping, then there will no emission of harmful gasses such as carbon dioxide, carbon mono oxide and nitric oxide, which are emitted by the burning of fossil fuel. Thereby, the environment is saved due to a significant rise in the online shopping trend. Moreover, there were several different jobs created with the growth of purchasing through e-commerce websites. For instance, companies create websites for people to do the shopping and to make and maintain these sites, companies need professionals like web developers. Further, there were more jobs required in logistics. To illustrate, after buying a product from a website by the masses, companies send it to the customer's house. To deliver it, they require transport facilities and delivery boys. Hence, it is apparent that different jobs were created due to the growth in online shopping. To summarize, buying products from e-commerce websites not only saves our environment but also creates employment opportunities for the people. Nevertheless, it has a positive effect on society.
In this modern world, the trend of purchasing products through e-commerce websites has grown
remarkably
. In my opinion, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on nature as there is a decrease in the pollution level, and it creates employment like a software developer.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a decline of harmful substances into the environment due to the increase in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
while sitting at home through the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not need to go
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Thus
, the masses do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their vehicles to go and shop in their local market.
Consequently
, there will decline in the pollution level.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not drive to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, then there will no emission of harmful gasses such as carbon dioxide, carbon mono oxide and nitric oxide, which
are emitted
by the burning of fossil fuel. Thereby, the environment
is saved
due to a significant rise in the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trend.

Moreover
, there were several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs created with the growth of purchasing through e-commerce websites.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
create websites for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and maintain these sites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need professionals like web developers.
Further
, there were more jobs required in logistics. To illustrate, after buying a product from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
by the masses,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it to the customer's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. To deliver it, they require transport facilities and delivery boys.
Hence
, it is apparent that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs
were created
due to the growth in online shopping.

To summarize
, buying products from e-commerce websites not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creates employment opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Nevertheless
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Online shopping is increasing significantly. What are the effects that might be on the environment and the types of jobs which were required? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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