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In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. v. 4
It is the fact that children in the countryside have less opportunity to access education in developing countries. While others consider that children could be taught via computers and the Internet, I personally believe that schools and teachers play an essential role in tackling this issue. On the one hand, learning through technological platforms would be beneficial for children in remote areas. First, online learning is more convenient and flexible than conventional ones by eliminating time and distance barriers. Moon. vn, for instance, is a well-known educational website in Vietnam that enable children, especially those from remote communities, to quickly access huge resources of lessons ranging from mathematics to literature. Second, the introduction of computers helps children acquire IT skills. They could learn how to take advantage of Microsoft Office or be proficient in typing skills, such capabilities that can enhance their employment prospects in the distant future. On the other hand, I personally agree with those who contend that it is better to provide more schools and teachers in rural areas. Teachers play an indispensable role in teaching basic literacy and numeracy in the children’s early stages of development. They not only provide a face-to-face learning opportunity to pupils but also instill in them the value of learning. Additionally, thanks to teachers’s rigorous supervision, young learners may make more rapid progress in their study. To illustrate, a recent Indian report indicates that 70% of children who attend offline classes learn twice as effectively as those who only learn via computers. In conclusion, although it is commonly believed that information technology could bring benefits in terms of education to children in rural societies, it seems to me that it is necessary to offer teachers and build more schools in these areas.
It is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the countryside have less opportunity to access education in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. While others consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be taught
via computers and the Internet, I
personally
believe that schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an essential role in tackling this issue.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through technological platforms would be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in remote areas.
First
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is more convenient and flexible than conventional ones by eliminating time and distance barriers. Moon.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
vn
,
for instance
, is a well-known educational website in Vietnam that enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
those from remote communities, to
quickly
access huge resources of lessons ranging from mathematics to literature. Second, the introduction of computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They could learn how to take advantage of Microsoft Office or be proficient in typing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such capabilities that can enhance their employment prospects in the distant future.

On the other hand
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who contend that it is better to provide more schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in rural areas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
play an indispensable role in teaching basic literacy and numeracy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
early stages of development. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide a face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
opportunity to pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
instill in them the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Additionally
, thanks to
Did you mean "teacher’s" or "teachers’"?
teachers’s
rigorous supervision, young learners may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more rapid progress in their study. To illustrate, a recent Indian report indicates that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attend offline classes learn twice as
effectively
as those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn via computers.

In conclusion
, although it is
commonly
believed that information technology could bring benefits in terms of education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in rural societies, it seems to me that it is necessary to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and build more schools in these areas.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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