Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.3

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 3
It is argued that more people prefer to share personal information with the Information Technology companies in lieu to access the software application. While sharing sensitive information to technology companies is risking security, I believe that the positive benefits far more outweighs the drawback. Providing personal data to the software companies can be dangerous for the people as this opens chances for hackers. This means that sensitive information can be accessed by fraudulent groups risking the privacy of their belonging. In turn, this will cause serious problems such as the monetary savings as well as credit cards that will be compromised. For instance, the Central Bank of the Philippines reported in 2019 that personal information was used by hackers to steal money from the bank. However, I believe the usage of software applications provides more advantages than the pressing problem in sharing personal data. The most significant merit in the use of a software application program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human capacity. It is highly important to many people as this can increase productivity and efficiency. As a result, more individual is highly dependent on the use of many applications such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. For example, the majority of people in the world use Microsoft Office Applications as tools to perform their daily work. Therefore, accessing software applications is far more outweigh the drawback as it functions great jobs than humans. In conclusion, So, whether you’re buying them off the shelf, or whether or not you are hiring a developer to construct particular software for you, all of those points will appear pertinent to you. Many people and groups have regularly observed the want and the requirement for such software,
It
is argued
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in lieu to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
. While sharing sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is risking security, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits far more outweighs the drawback.

Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as this opens chances for hackers. This means that sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be accessed
by fraudulent groups risking the privacy of their belonging. In turn, this will cause serious problems such as the monetary savings
as well
as credit cards that will
be compromised
.
For instance
, the Central Bank of the Philippines reported in 2019 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by hackers to steal money from the bank.
However
, I believe the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
provides more advantages than the pressing problem in sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data.

The most significant merit in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human capacity. It is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as this can increase productivity and efficiency.
As a result
, more individual is
highly
dependent on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.
For example
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Microsoft Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Applications
as tools to perform their daily work.
Therefore
, accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
is far more outweigh the drawback as it functions great jobs than humans.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, whether you’re buying them off the shelf, or
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
you are hiring a developer to construct particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
for you, all of those points will appear pertinent to you.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and groups have
regularly
observed the want and the requirement for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
,
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts