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Online shopping is increasing significantly. What are the effects that might be on the environment and the types of jobs which were required? v.2

In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards online shopping for a variety of reasons. Although this new kind of trading might be a great concern to some traditionalists, it should still be encouraged because of its benefits. On the one hand, there are some disadvantages caused by purchasing online. First, delivery should be responsible the atmosphere in the region. For example, the convenience of this trend acts an incentive for impulse buying following the increasing demands of vehicles, which directly caused air pollution. Second, the raw material used for package is also one of numerous vulnerable souces to environment. For instance, in order to ensure high quality of products, shoppers or manufacturers might consume an amount of plastic, which has terrible long-term impact on human health and the existence of living creatures because of its hard decompositon. On the other hand, it seems that trading via the Internet is beneficial for society. First, the popularity of online shopping strongly changes occupation pattern. As a result, some new jobs appears including shipper or, particularly, streamer who runs an online shop and introduce his or her goods through a small screen. Second, the main purpose of this trend is towards the perfect convenience. For example, a lot of groups like Alibaba, E-bays, and Taobao are expanding their worldwide system in an effort to reach more people around the world and save their customers a great deal of times. In conclsion, advantages of e-shopping outweigh its drawback. It is not only the best way to buy goods in COVID19 context, but also fosters the financial climate in certain ways.
In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards
online
shopping for a variety of reasons. Although this new kind of trading might be a great concern to
some
traditionalists, it should
still
be encouraged
because
of its benefits. On the one hand, there are
some
disadvantages caused by purchasing
online
.
First
, delivery should be responsible the atmosphere in the region.
For example
, the convenience of this trend acts an incentive for impulse buying following the increasing demands of vehicles, which
directly
caused air pollution. Second, the raw material
used
for package is
also
one of numerous vulnerable
souces
to environment.
For instance
, in order to ensure high quality of products, shoppers or manufacturers might consume an amount of plastic, which has terrible long-term impact on human health and the existence of living creatures
because
of its
hard
decompositon
.

On the other hand
, it seems that trading via the Internet is beneficial for society.
First
, the popularity of
online
shopping
strongly
changes
occupation pattern.
As a result
,
some
new jobs appears including shipper or,
particularly
, streamer who runs an
online
shop and introduce
his or her
goods
through a
small
screen. Second, the main purpose of this trend is towards the perfect convenience.
For example
,
a lot of
groups like Alibaba, E-bays, and Taobao are expanding their worldwide system in an effort to reach more
people
around the world and save their customers a great deal of times. In
conclsion
, advantages of e-shopping outweigh its drawback. It is not
only
the best way to
buy
goods
in
COVID19
context,
but
also
fosters the financial climate in certain ways.
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IELTS essay Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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