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One of the consequences of improves medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you thing the advantages of this development is outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

One of the consequences of improves medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you thing the advantages of this development is outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Technology has revolutionised the way of our life. The advent of technology has improved many sectors for a business to a medicens. Hospitals and clinics have also implemented new technology in their field to provide a good healthy treatments. People are living more longer than in the past and life circle is improving day by day. Firstly, by implementing a high tech machinary in health care such as hospitals, clinics and pharmacy have seen major improvement in human life. Doctors operate in advanced machine and aware of current problems and prescribe good effective madicens as well as nuteration. By careful diet plan patient become more healthier than before. For example, my friend had a bad stomach pain and acidity. Doctor acknowledged her the causes and wrote a madicens as well as a good healthy diet plan. By this experience she will be more care full in the future. Secondly, people are becoming more aware of their health by the internet. Many gyms and recreational centre have opened in my town in the last decade. To stay active and fit people prefer to do various kind of exercise and follow a good diet plan. For example, there are more than 4 gyms in my town, besides nuteriation clinic is also available while in the past there was only one gym with very old machines. People who practice a healthy life style they live longer than ordinary people. In conclusion, I firmly believe that by improvement in health care centres provide myriad of benefits to human and there are lot of advantages of it.
Technology has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the way of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The advent of technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors for a business to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
medicens
. Hospitals and clinics have
also
implemented new technology in their field to provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
healthy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "treatment"?
treatments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are living
Use only "longer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more longer
than in the past and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
circle is improving day by day.

Firstly
, by implementing a high tech
Possible spelling mistake found.
machinary
in health care such as hospitals, clinics and pharmacy have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
major improvement in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Doctors operate in advanced machine and aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
problems and prescribe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
effective
Possible spelling mistake found.
madicens
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
nuteration
. By careful diet plan patient become
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, my friend had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
stomach pain and acidity. Doctor acknowledged her the causes and wrote a
Possible spelling mistake found.
madicens
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
healthy diet plan. By this experience she will be more care full in the future.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more aware of their health by the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
gyms and recreational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
have opened in my town in the last decade. To stay active and fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to do various kind of exercise and follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
diet plan.
For example
, there are more than 4 gyms in my town,
besides
Possible spelling mistake found.
nuteriation
clinic is
also
available while in the past there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one gym with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
machines.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who practice a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that by improvement in health care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
provide myriad of benefits to human and there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
advantages of it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improves medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you thing the advantages of this development is outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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