Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.26

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26
Thanks to advancements in health care, people now live longer than was experienced five decades ago, and many wonder if the positives overshadow the negatives. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks in the long run. While our societies suffered from overpopulation during the early days that these improvements in health care technology was introduced, our leaders gradually turned this into an increase in revenue for the government. The first setback that my country witnessed as a result of the rise in life expectancy was overpopulation. We had more people alive than the resources can cater for. As a result, people fought for virtually everything. Housing was not enough for every one and the roads were always congested because, we had more people using it at a time than it can accommodate. There was also a huge rise in unemployment. The industries were not prepared for the surge in man hours. Loss time injuries and sicknesses to employees were drastically reduced. Employers sought to maximize their revenues and the only way to do this was to stick to their forecast of man hours ab initio. This resulted in the laying off of some staff and in turn, contributed to the growing rate of unemployment. These effects however, didn' t live for long. Our government helped the companies to expand their production capabilities which immediately resulted in the employment of more people and increase in revenue for the government. With extra cash, our nation expanded its infrastructures to accommodate the growing population. Also, people had more money to pay for goods and services, leading to everyone being financially independent. In addition, those who couldn' t take paid jobs took to agriculture. Majority embarked on commercial farming and their was food for all. The country produced enough, that it had so much farm products to export. It was a win-win situation for all. In conclusion, the advantages of living longer far more overshadows its disadvantages. What societies must learn is to turn the seemingly negative effects of overpopulation to positive ones. This can be achieved by expanding the industries to employ more hands as well as extending the reach of their local products to foreign countries.
Thanks to advancements in health care,
people
now
live
longer than
was experienced
five decades ago, and
many wonder
if the positives overshadow the negatives. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks in the long run. While our societies suffered from overpopulation during the early days that these improvements in health care technology
was introduced
, our leaders
gradually
turned this into an increase in revenue for the
government
.

The
first
setback that my country witnessed
as a result
of the rise in life expectancy was overpopulation. We had more
people
alive than the resources can cater for.
As a result
,
people
fought for
virtually
everything. Housing was not
enough
for every one and the roads were always congested
because
, we had more
people
using it at a time than it can accommodate. There was
also
a huge rise in unemployment. The industries were not prepared for the surge in
man hours
. Loss time injuries and sicknesses to employees were
drastically
reduced
. Employers sought to maximize their revenues and the
only
way to do this was to stick to their forecast of
man hours
ab initio. This resulted in the laying off of
some
staff
and in turn, contributed to the growing rate of unemployment. These effects
however
,
didn&
#039; t
live
for long.

Our
government
helped
the
companies
to expand their production capabilities which immediately resulted in the employment of more
people
and increase in revenue for the
government
. With extra cash, our nation expanded its infrastructures to accommodate the growing population.
Also
,
people
had more money to pay for
goods
and services, leading to everyone
being
financially
independent.

In addition
, those who
couldn&
#039; t take paid jobs took to agriculture. Majority embarked on commercial farming and
their
was food for all. The country produced
enough
, that it had
so
much farm products to export. It was a win-win situation for all.

In conclusion
, the advantages of living longer far more overshadows its disadvantages. What societies
must
learn is to turn the
seemingly
negative
effects of overpopulation to
positive
ones. This can
be achieved
by expanding the industries to employ more hands
as well
as extending the reach of their local products to foreign countries.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts