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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v.17

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v. 17
It is believed that human growth in near future will be changed positively due to the innovations in artificial intelligent field while the opponents feel worried since the intelligence of computer becomes over human brain. In my opinion, I completely agree with the assertion that people will get better with the support of technology, computers and robots. On the one hand, there are some reasons why people are in worried feeling toward the development of AI. Firstly, it is estimated that in the future, a large replacement of human resources will be happened among people and robots. This can lead to the increase of unemployment rate and thus, people believe their forthcoming life will become harder and harder if computers and robots develops. Secondly, the society life will undergo the dramatic change because of the invasion of computers. For example, in Japan, some man married and lived with woman robots as their wives for a very long time. On the other hand, I strongly agree that the advances of technology will make considerable improvements in human standard of living in subsequent. Up to 10 years, many works will be automatic and easier with the help robots and machine learning. For instant, cleanup robots gradually become the most important and essential support of the family, which reduce much household burden on the housewife’s shoulder. In addition, the application of the automatic progress in many fields such as transportation, selling and purchasing, … contributes immensely to not only save enormous times but also increase the exact rate. Therefore, human can work more productive and effective while also have abundant times for their personal activity. In conclusion, it is undeniable that intelligent technology will be a crucial part and with the base of it, we can achieve more in the close impending.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
growth in near future will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
positively
due to the innovations in artificial intelligent field while the opponents feel worried since the intelligence of computer becomes over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
brain. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the assertion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better with the support of technology, computers and robots.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in worried feeling toward the development of AI.
Firstly
, it
is estimated
that in the future, a large replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
resources will
be happened
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and robots. This can lead to the increase of unemployment rate and
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe their forthcoming life will become harder and harder if computers and robots develops.
Secondly
, the society life will undergo the dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the invasion of computers.
For example
, in Japan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
married and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with woman robots as their wives for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the advances of technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
considerable improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
standard of living in subsequent. Up to 10 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works will be automatic and easier with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
robots and machine learning. For instant, cleanup robots
gradually
become the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and essential support of the family, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
much household burden on the housewife’s shoulder.
In addition
, the application of the automatic progress in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields such as transportation, selling and purchasing, … contributes
immensely
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save enormous times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase the exact rate.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can work more productive and effective while
also
have abundant times for their personal activity.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that intelligent technology will be a crucial part and with the base of it, we can achieve more in the close impending.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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