Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v.27

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v. 27
It is undeniable that advancement in medical implements and treatment have brought many benefits for humanity. While there are a few drawbacks which have appeared with this development, I would argue that these are outweigh by the advantageous. On the one hand, there are some disadvantages of improvement in medical science which consequently lead mankind to qualified life. The most dominant result is that progressing in medical cause a number of mortality has decreased tremendously. Therefore the population has increased accordingly. In addition most of the diseases can be diagnosed or cared. Hence, the age of humans and the population have increased. Despite the above argument, the medical science has offered various possibilities for preventing of increasing in population and controlling the mankind crowd. ‌for instance scientists have invented many tablets or other preventing implements for unwanted pregnancy. Not only has progressing in medical controlled population, but also with sophisticated device can detect the cause of many diseases and give the chance to humanity for preventing instead of treating. Thereby the life qualification and expectancy have increased remarkably in recent decades. Beside many remedy possibilities which have been accessible for a great deal of people, this improvement has facilitated the disabled people’s life with innovating artificial parts of bodies which can be similar human body sensitive and incredibly practical. In conclusion, I believe that the advantageous of medical devices advancement are greater than drawbacks
It is undeniable that advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
implements and treatment have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for humanity. While there are a few drawbacks which have appeared with this development, I would argue that these are
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
by the advantageous.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science which
consequently
lead mankind to qualified life. The most dominant result is that progressing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
cause
Possible agreement error. The noun mortality seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much mortality", "a good deal of mortality".
a number of mortality
has decreased
tremendously
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has increased
accordingly
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
most of the diseases can
be diagnosed
or cared.
Hence
, the age of humans and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
have increased.

Despite the above argument, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science has offered various possibilities for preventing of increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and controlling the mankind crowd. ‌
for instance
scientists have invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tablets or other preventing implements for unwanted pregnancy. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has progressing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with sophisticated device can detect the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and give the chance to humanity for preventing
instead
of treating. Thereby the life qualification and expectancy have increased
remarkably
in recent decades. Beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
remedy possibilities which have been accessible for a great deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this improvement has facilitated the disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life with innovating artificial parts of bodies which can be similar human body sensitive and
incredibly
practical.

In conclusion
, I believe that
The phrase 'the advantageous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advantageous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "devices'" or "device's"?
devices
advancement are greater than drawbacks
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantageous of this Development outweigh the disadvantageous? v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts