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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Modern-day working hours are taking a toll on the health of the working crowd, as they find it difficult to make time for a workout daily either during office hours or at leisure. Many people are not getting sufficient exercise, and in my opinion, it is because of the hectic schedule they are bound by. A solution to this problem lies in incorporating physical activities as a part of one's lifestyle. To begin with, companies are becoming more and more competitive; thereby focusing more on the output delivered by their employees. This is increasing the pressure on the workers, resulting in them investing more time at the desk, in a particular place. This gives them less chance for movement and relaxation. For a clear example, some firms have cameras installed throughout the working area to keep an eye on the employees and expect them to be at their desks for the longest duration of time and be involved in the work. It is this type of atmosphere created in companies that make one's life hectic at work; leaving them with no mindset to exercise after returning home but just to refresh, eat, and sleep. The solution to this lack of health and fitness among the employed lies in incorporating physical activities as their way of life. For instance, instead of depending on their vehicle the whole time for a commute, they can walk to the nearest transit station to travel between home and work. Workers can go out for fresh air during lunch hours and stretch a little. Furthermore, they can develop healthy food habits that complement their lifestyle rather than regularly submitting themselves to unhealthy food. In conclusion, because of the work atmosphere and the hectic schedule in companies, there is less scope for the working people to be involved in an exercise, and the solution lies in making small changes in their style of living and in developing healthy habits.
Modern-day
working
hours are taking a toll on the health of the
working
crowd, as they find it difficult to
make
time
for a workout daily either during office hours or at leisure.
Many
people
are not getting sufficient exercise, and in my opinion, it is
because
of the hectic schedule they
are bound
by. A solution to this problem lies in incorporating physical activities as a part of one's lifestyle.

To
begin
with,
companies
are becoming more and more competitive; thereby focusing more on the output delivered by their employees. This is increasing the pressure on the workers, resulting in them investing more
time
at the desk, in a particular place. This gives them less chance for movement and relaxation. For a
clear
example,
some
firms have cameras installed throughout the
working
area to
keep
an eye on the employees and
expect
them to be at their desks for the longest duration of
time
and
be involved
in the
work
. It is this type of atmosphere created in
companies
that
make
one's life hectic at
work
; leaving them with no mindset to exercise after returning home
but
just
to refresh, eat, and sleep.

The solution to this lack of health and fitness among the employed lies in incorporating physical activities as their way of life.
For instance
,
instead
of depending on their vehicle the whole
time
for a commute, they can walk to the nearest transit station to travel between home and
work
. Workers can go out for fresh air during lunch hours and stretch a
little
.
Furthermore
, they can develop healthy food habits that complement their lifestyle
rather
than
regularly
submitting themselves to unhealthy food.

In conclusion
,
because
of the
work
atmosphere and the hectic schedule in
companies
, there is less scope for the
working
people
to
be involved
in an exercise, and the solution lies in making
small
changes
in their style of living and in developing healthy habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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