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the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant v.1

the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010.
Nowadays, people tend to go aboard for their vacations due to that ravelling by plane has become more affordable under the help of modern technology; therefore, tourism is booming in many countries worldwide. Meanwhile, visitors also cause the harmful impacts on local communities. I personally support that these negative impacts should be assessed in order to protect local residents and guarantee the quality of tourism service. To start with, it is a fact that tourists could disturb local residents daily life activities, even though they create revenue incomes for local governments. Local entertainment activities and festival events hold to attract more visitors will create some inconvenience to local residents in many ways.   For example, vehicles hired for visitors will lead to traffic congestion. The festival activities will cause traffic jams and disturb residents' routine daily life as well. Moreover, local native resources will be redistributed to meet the demand of visitors, which will result in higher prices or shortage for local residents. In addition, increasing visitors in many countries may lead to many illegal activities in local communities. For example, with the increasing night shows in bars, substance use and crime rate may surge up in the regions. Furthermore, local residents will be influenced by the novel ideas brought by visitors, which may lead to their personal valves change as well. Local residents, especially the youth, might pick up harmful habits from visitors, such as substance use,  or smoking. In summary, tourism will contribute to the local economy; however, it also disturbs local residents' traditional daily lives due to their activities. Without strict guidelines,   visitors may also create many potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours there.  Therefore, I support that  local governments should provide safety instruction for visitors and assist tourism companies to establish the right agenda for visitors to follow.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to go aboard for their vacations due to that
Possible spelling mistake found.
ravelling
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
has become more affordable under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern technology;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is booming in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries worldwide. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
also
cause the harmful impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities. I
personally
support that these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts should 
be assessed
in order to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
and guarantee the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
service.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is a fact that tourists could disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
daily life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
even though
they create revenue incomes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and festival 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
hold to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
For example
, vehicles hired for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will lead to traffic congestion. The festival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will cause traffic jams and disturb residents' routine daily life
as well
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
native resources will
be redistributed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, which will result in higher prices or shortage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

In addition
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries may lead to 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.
For example
, with the increasing night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in bars, substance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
 and crime rate may surge up in the regions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
will
be influenced
by the novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, which may lead to their personal valves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
,
especially
the youth, might pick up harmful habits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, such as substance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
or smoking.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
will contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy;
however
, it
also
disturbs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents' traditional daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Without strict guidelines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
  visitors
may
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours there.  
Therefore
, I support that
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide safety instruction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to establish the right agenda for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to follow.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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