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Often when people move overseas where the culture is different from their own, they tend to gravitate towards people from their own country who speak the same language and share the same culture. Discuss some of the problems related to this lack of integra v.1

Often when people move overseas where the culture is different from their own, they tend to gravitate towards people from their own country who speak the same language and share the same culture. Discuss some of the problems related to this lack of integra v. 1
Primary education has always played a major role in building the foundation of knowledge. Students study various subjects to enhance their understanding about different areas of life. History is one of them, which provides us knowledge about our past. Some people believe that history must be taught in the primary schools, whereas, other think that the priority should be given to the subjects like Science and Technology. I will discuss about both the views in my essay. On one hand, this subject is essential to learn about the evolution of societies and causes of change. Moreover, we also get to know about different cultures and dynasties prevalent worldwide. History compiles real life stories which further motivate many people. It also educates us about the causes of sufferings we had in the past. This knowledge can help us avoid those mistakes in the future. We generally believe that one must not dwell on the past rather should focus on the present and future. But the roots of the present and future are always linked to the past. Hence, we cannot ignore the importance of knowing about the past to create a better future. Certainly, history is beneficial to mankind. Nevertheless, the absence of its practical applications in today’s contemporary world has affected its popularity. Cramming dates and years of the past incidents kills the creativity of the learner. Today’s generation is focusing more on technological innovations for future developments. For that reason, subjects like history do not fit into the current education system. In addition, teachers use conventional methodology to teach History. Consequently, the subject becomes boring and less participative. To conclude, students often question the relevance of having a history class in the schools. But they do not understand the intensity of change this subject can bring to our lives. Every subject has its relevance and contribution in our lives. Even though, in the age of robots, it is essential to study science based subjects, in my opinion, the information about our culture and origin is equally important.
Primary education has always played a major role in building the foundation of knowledge. Students study various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to enhance their understanding about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is one of them, which provides us knowledge about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
in the primary schools, whereas, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Science and Technology. I will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
the views in my essay.

On one hand, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is essential to learn about the evolution of societies and causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Moreover
, we
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and dynasties prevalent worldwide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
compiles real life stories which
further
motivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It
also
educates us about the causes of sufferings we had in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. This knowledge can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us avoid those mistakes in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. We
generally
believe that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not dwell on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
rather
should focus on the present and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the roots of the present and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
are always linked to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Hence
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of knowing about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
to create a better future.

Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is beneficial to mankind.
Nevertheless
, the absence of its practical applications in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
its popularity. Cramming dates and years of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
incidents kills the creativity of the learner.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s generation is focusing more on technological innovations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
developments. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
do not fit into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
education system.
In addition
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
conventional methodology to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
becomes boring and less
Possible spelling mistake found.
participative
.

To conclude
, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
question the relevance of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they do not understand the intensity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can bring to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has its relevance and contribution in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Even though
, in the age of robots, it is essential to study science based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, in my opinion, the information about our culture and origin is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Often when people move overseas where the culture is different from their own, they tend to gravitate towards people from their own country who speak the same language and share the same culture. Discuss some of the problems related to this lack of integra v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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