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Agree or disagree? It is better for the younger people to take risk and explore new things than the older people. v.1

Agree or disagree? It is better for the younger people to take risk and explore new things than the older people. v. 1
A generation ago, teaching in a high school was considered an extremely well-respected and popular job, and in some countries this is still true. However, in many parts of the world, there has been a sharp drop in the number of young people who want to become high school teachers. This essay will look at the reasons for this and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of the problem is that teachers’ salaries are lower than many other jobs. Teachers’ pay has not kept pace with that of other professions, such as law or medicine. In the UK, for example, a doctor with five years’ experience will earn far more than a teacher with the same experience. The solution is for the government to raise teachers’ pay significantly, which would attract more people into the profession. Another problem is that many children do not behave well in class. That is to say, teachers often have to deal with pupils who disobey them, which often causes them to give up teaching. This tends to put off potential teachers as well. To tackle this issue, parents must give their children a sense of respect for teachers, in order to make children behave better in class. At third cause of the problem is that teachers often have too much work to do. Most teachers are snowed under with marking and paperwork, which means that they have to stay late at school and work at home in the evening. As a result, many teachers are tired and stressed, and their job has a negative effect on their family life. The way forward could be cut teachers’ hours, and to take on more teaching assistants, which would make teaching and easier job. To sum up, teaching has become a much less popular job in many countries, due to reasons such as the salary, the working hours and pupils’ behaviour. This is a serious problem, and unless we can get more talented young people to become teachers, the education of our children will suffer. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the problem lies with parents and the government
A generation ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
in a high school
was considered
an
extremely
well-respected and popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries this is
still
true.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, there has been a sharp drop in the number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to become high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. This essay will look at the reasons for this and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

One of the main causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
salaries are lower than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers’
pay has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
pace with that of other professions, such as law or medicine. In the UK,
for example
, a doctor with five years’ experience will earn far more than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
with the same experience. The solution is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
pay
significantly
, which would attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into the profession.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not behave well in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with pupils who disobey them, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causes them to give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
. This tends to put off potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as well
. To tackle this issue, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a sense of respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behave better in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

At third cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have too much work to do. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are snowed
under with marking and paperwork, which means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay late at school and work at home in the evening.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are tired
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their family life. The way forward could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
hours, and to take on more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
assistants, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and easier job.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
has become a much less popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, due to reasons such as the salary, the working hours and pupils’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, and unless we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more talented young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, the education of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will suffer. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
lies with parents and the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
government
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? It is better for the younger people to take risk and explore new things than the older people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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