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ocial media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

ocial media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Recent advancements in technology and science are reshaping our world in an unprecedented manner. It is true that social networking sites have a profound influence on people in these days. While there are few disadvantages of using social media platforms, I believe that the advantages far outweighs it. My essay will discuss the same. On the one side, there are a few drawbacks of social media. The most common issue observed is the online theft. To explain, many social networking sites such as Facebook has introduced e-wallet and money transfer mechanisms recently in which the user has to share his personal bank information. Once the data is shared, even though it is made private, hackers can fetch the information and steal the money from the e-wallet or the bank in a fraction of a second. A recent study by the BBC News revealed that around 350 cases were registered from London alone in the month of July 2019 for online theft on WhatsApp. This is perhaps why certain people think social media cannot be trusted. On the flip side, there are many benefits of social media that outweighs the negatives. To begin with, in the contemporary world, platforms such as Facebook and Instagram serve as a medium of communication. To elaborate, most people travel far apart from their native for either work or study. In order to interact with their parents and friends, a number of internet websites offer free calls and text messaging which is always commendable. To exemplify, studies have shown that people of all ages prefer to use online calls than using the conventional telephone calls. Additionally, online media help people of all ages to be aware of things happening globally. The information about social issues and latest technologies are shared across these websites, which equip people with a wider knowledge. Finally, there is the entertainment factor. People, after stressful work, can surf these sites which relaxes their pressure and create a peaceful mind. These are the major merits of using social media. To conclude, although there are limited disadvantages of social media, in my opinion, the benefits are more significant.
Recent advancements in technology and science are reshaping our world
Consider replacing "in an unprecedented manner" with the adverb for "unprecedented"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unprecedented manner
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have a profound influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these days. While there are few disadvantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms, I believe that the advantages far outweighs it. My essay will discuss the same.

On the one side, there are a few drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. The most common issue observed is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
theft. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites such as Facebook has introduced e-wallet and money transfer mechanisms recently in which the user
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
share his personal bank information. Once the data
is shared
,
even though
it
is made
private, hackers can fetch the information and steal the money from the e-wallet or the bank in a fraction of a second. A recent study by the BBC News revealed that around 350 cases
were registered
from London alone in the month of July 2019 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
theft on WhatsApp. This is perhaps why certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot
be trusted
.

On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that outweighs the negatives. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the contemporary world, platforms such as Facebook and Instagram serve as a medium of communication. To elaborate, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel far apart from their native for either work or study. In order to interact with their parents and friends, a number of internet websites offer free calls and text messaging which is always commendable. To exemplify, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
calls than using the conventional telephone calls.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages to be aware of things happening globally. The information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues and latest technologies
are shared
across these websites, which equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a wider knowledge.
Finally
, there is the entertainment factor.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, after stressful work, can surf these sites which relaxes their pressure and create a peaceful mind. These are the major merits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

To conclude
, although there
are limited
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, in my opinion, the benefits are more significant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay ocial media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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