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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.6

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 6
Many people believe that a separate industrial zone should be established outside the cities to shift all the big industries there. I am of the view that, although it may have some minor drawbacks, it would be beneficial to the population in terms of environment protection and reducing the overcrowding on the city roads. One of the main benefits of developing the regional zones for large companies outside the urban living would be its effect on the environment. The presence of an industry inside the city results in disposal of hazardous chemicals into the water bodies and release of toxins and carbon dioxide into the air. This is an extremely dangerous situation leading to deleterious health issues for the urban dwellers. To illustrate, in Karachi, one of the major cities of Pakistan, several industries is working within the urban zones and resulted in a significantly high incidence of occupational diseases and respiratory problems in those living in the surroundings. Similarly, another issue is heavy traffic entering into the cities for the transport of goods to and from the industry. By moving the industry away such problems will be sorted out. On the other hand, one of the minor drawbacks of industries away from the centre is that, it would cost the workers more. In other words, the employees have to spend a significant amount of their earnings on the commuting to and from the workplace. Moreover, it would also have a financial burden on the government. The government has to develop the road or rail infrastructure to this new industrial area, and also has to bring the basic necessities of life there, including water for domestic and industrial purpose, electricity and other commodities. To conclude, I firmly believe that while developing the new industrial zones outside the urban areas would be costly for the workers, industrialists and the government, its advantages are far more significant and long lasting for the local population, and may prove economical in the long run considering the reduction in the cost of health issues and traffic problems which would be mitigated by such measures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
zone
should
be established
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to shift all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
there. I am of the view that, although it may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawbacks, it would be beneficial to the population in terms of environment protection and reducing the overcrowding on the city roads.

One of the main benefits of developing the regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
zones
for large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
living would be its effect on the environment. The presence of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
inside the city results in disposal of hazardous chemicals into the water bodies and release of toxins and carbon dioxide into the air. This is an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation leading to deleterious health issues for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
dwellers. To illustrate, in Karachi, one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of Pakistan, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is working within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
zones
and resulted in a
significantly
high incidence of occupational diseases and respiratory problems in those living in the surroundings.
Similarly
, another issue is heavy traffic entering into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for the transport of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to and from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. By moving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
away such problems will
be sorted
out.

On the other hand
, one of the minor drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
away from the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is that, it would cost the workers more.
In other words
, the employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a significant amount of their earnings on the commuting to and from the workplace.
Moreover
, it would
also
have a financial burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
develop the road or rail infrastructure to this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
area, and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bring the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life there, including water for domestic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
purpose, electricity and other commodities.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that while developing the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
zones
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas would be costly for the workers, industrialists and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, its advantages are far more significant and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
for the local population, and may prove economical in the long run considering the reduction in the cost of health issues and traffic problems which would
be mitigated
by such measures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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