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some believe that morden technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

some believe that morden technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. v. 1
In today’s society, it is widely acknowledged that the contentment has had a direct impact on people’s liveliness. However, some people do not even think about bringing gladness. This essay will explore why the concept of delight is hard to describe and what are the key element in acquiring elation. Firstly, it seems that the most important cause to the hardly of describing the enjoyment goes back to the kind of views about living. Moreover, some people believe that having a plenty worth is the vital role in getting to the euphoria. however, experience has shown that the wealth plays a minor role in this case. Although the wealth to the extent necessary is important, it does not guarantee the exhilaration. In addition, there were many rich people that despite living a prosperous being, they have not had a happy breath. For example, famous person as Robin Williams, despite having the worthy and getting multiple awards in acting, was not happy, and finally committed suicide. Thus, the definition of joy is different and makes it difficult to define. Secondly, there are some elements to obtain jubilation. In fact, having the blitheness living based on less expectations from life and the spirit of helping to needy people. Human is a being that has many desires and aspirations in provided one of them would be fulfilled, those tendencies will be more. thus, the person is made unhappy. However, philanthropy activity such as helping to needy people create inner prosperity and as well as it also makes life more satisfying. In conclusion, having the variety of views about living has direct connection to the difficulty of defining well-being. Furthermore, the factors like less expectation of Brio and philanthropy activity are obtaining cheerfulness.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, it is
widely
acknowledged that the contentment has had a direct impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
liveliness.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about bringing gladness. This essay will explore why the concept of delight is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
and what are the key element in acquiring elation.

Firstly
, it seems that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause to the hardly of describing the enjoyment goes back to the kind of views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
worth is the vital role in getting to the euphoria.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, experience has shown that the wealth plays a minor role
in this case
. Although the wealth to the extent necessary is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it does not guarantee the exhilaration.
In addition
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a prosperous being, they have not had a happy breath.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person as Robin Williams, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the worthy and getting multiple awards in acting, was not happy, and
finally
committed suicide.
Thus
, the definition of joy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to define.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements to obtain jubilation. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the blitheness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
based on
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun expectations is countable.
less
expectations from life and the spirit of helping to needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Human is a being that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
desires and aspirations in provided one of them would
be fulfilled
, those tendencies will be more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thus
, the person
is made
unhappy.
However
, philanthropy activity such as helping to needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create inner prosperity and
as well
as it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life more satisfying.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the variety of views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
has direct connection to the difficulty of defining well-being.
Furthermore
, the factors like less expectation of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brio
and philanthropy activity are obtaining cheerfulness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some believe that morden technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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