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Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
The admiration young people hold of celebrities is not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, youths have been inspired by people with outstanding athletic ability. It is argued that this admiration brings with it more positive than negative ramifications. This will be proven by looking at how sports figures both instill inspiration and teach life lessons to young people. Firstly, celebrities often display extremely developed skills, which can help to spur young people towards a life full of the physically active. For instance, school children are often driven to exercise in an attempt to emulate superstars, such as Novak Djokovic, Ronaldo and Messi. As this additional exercise is good for their health, it is difficult to argue that the inspiration celebrities bestow upon young people is entirely a bad thing. Thus, this shows that the admiration people hold for sports stars has positive implications/reasons. Although the negative character traits of many sports celebrities are often called into question, it is felt the public mistakes professional athletes make can act as good morality lessons for young people. A good image of this occurred when Canadian runner Ben Johnson dishonourably lost an Olympic gold medal due to steroid use. This incident showed young people around the world that drug use is a shameful practice. As this example illustrates is shown, often the public errors athletes commit can act as good lessons for adolescents. After looking at the above, it is felt to hold athletes in esteem does not bring with it entirely negative consequences. It is assumed the historical admiration people will retain for sports stars is not going to change in the foreseeable future.
The
admiration
young
people
hold of
celebrities
is not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, youths have
been inspired
by
people
with outstanding athletic ability. It
is argued
that this
admiration
brings with it more
positive
than
negative
ramifications. This will
be proven
by looking at how
sports
figures both instill inspiration and teach life lessons to
young
people
.

Firstly
,
celebrities
often
display
extremely
developed
skills
, which can
help
to spur
young
people
towards a life full of the
physically
active.
For instance
, school children are
often
driven to exercise in an attempt to emulate superstars, such as Novak Djokovic, Ronaldo and Messi. As this additional exercise is
good
for their health, it is difficult to argue that the inspiration
celebrities
bestow upon
young
people
is
entirely
a
bad
thing.
Thus
, this
shows
that the
admiration
people
hold for
sports
stars has
positive
implications/reasons.

Although the
negative
character traits of
many
sports
celebrities
are
often
called into question, it
is felt
the public mistakes professional athletes
make
can act as
good
morality lessons for
young
people
. A
good
image of this occurred when Canadian runner Ben Johnson
dishonourably
lost an Olympic gold medal due to steroid
use
. This incident
showed
young
people
around the world that drug
use
is a shameful practice. As this example illustrates
is shown
,
often
the public errors athletes commit can act as
good
lessons for adolescents.

After looking at the above, it
is felt
to hold athletes in esteem does not bring with it
entirely
negative
consequences. It
is assumed
the historical
admiration
people
will retain for
sports
stars is not going to
change
in the foreseeable future.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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