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Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
The admiration young people hold of celebrities is not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, youths have been inspired by people with outstanding athletic ability. It is argued that this admiration brings with it more positive than negative ramifications. This will be proven by looking at how sports figures both instill inspiration and teach life lessons to young people. Firstly, celebrities often display extremely developed skills, which can help to spur young people towards a life full of the physically active. For instance, school children are often driven to exercise in an attempt to emulate superstars, such as Novak Djokovic, Ronaldo and Messi. As this additional exercise is good for their health, it is difficult to argue that the inspiration celebrities bestow upon young people is entirely a bad thing. Thus, this shows that the admiration people hold for sports stars has positive implications/reasons. Although the negative character traits of many sports celebrities are often called into question, it is felt the public mistakes professional athletes make can act as good morality lessons for young people. A good image of this occurred when Canadian runner Ben Johnson dishonourably lost an Olympic gold medal due to steroid use. This incident showed young people around the world that drug use is a shameful practice. As this example illustrates is shown, often the public errors athletes commit can act as good lessons for adolescents. After looking at the above, it is felt to hold athletes in esteem does not bring with it entirely negative consequences. It is assumed the historical admiration people will retain for sports stars is not going to change in the foreseeable future.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, youths have
been inspired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with outstanding athletic ability. It
is argued
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
brings with it more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications. This will
be proven
by looking at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
figures both instill inspiration and teach life lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
display
extremely
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to spur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards a life full of the
physically
active.
For instance
, school children are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
driven to exercise in an attempt to emulate superstars, such as Novak Djokovic, Ronaldo and Messi. As this additional exercise is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for their health, it is difficult to argue that the inspiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
bestow upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
entirely
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications/reasons.

Although the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
character traits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
called into question, it
is felt
the public mistakes professional athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
can act as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
morality lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
image of this occurred when Canadian runner Ben Johnson
Possible spelling mistake. 'dishonourably' is British English.
dishonourably
lost an Olympic gold medal due to steroid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This incident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world that drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is a shameful practice. As this example illustrates
is shown
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
the public errors athletes commit can act as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
lessons for adolescents.

After looking at the above, it
is felt
to hold athletes in esteem does not bring with it
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. It
is assumed
the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will retain for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the foreseeable future.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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