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nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is positive or negative development. v.2

nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is positive or negative development. v. 2
In the recent era, technological enhancement has led to an evolution of artificial robots and computers, which have replaced most of the jobs which was earlier done by humans. Using latest computer technology, there are many advantages which makes tedious manual work a lot easier. Though there are many positives, there are some drawbacks too. This essay will tell you why the benefits of this technological development overcomes the disadvantages. Robots and computers have many advantages which have simplified many human jobs due to various factors. Use of machinery not only saves time but also money. For example, in the olden days people used to manually write a business letter which needed to be sent through the post and it would take several days to get delivered. Invention of email in the late 90's has certainly solved this problem. Now it is much easier to send a business email with minimal cost which has enhanced business profits. Another example we can consider of Online shopping which is far more convenient than Traditional shopping. Varieties of options can be explored and chosen which includes free delivery too. Certainly improved machinery has lots of positives which are useful for the development of mankind. Although automation has helped humans in various fields, there are some negatives which also needs to be considered. With the introduction of computers in office, many unskilled labour lost their jobs and percentage of unemployment increased rapidly. Human health has also become a primary concern since people sit long hours in front of television with very little or no exercise at all. Even though computers and robots have improved human lives, it has also impacted them in a negative way. To conclude, improved technology has certainly eased a lot of hardcore manual tasks with the introduction of automated household machines and technological gadgets. Though It has added many benefits to our life, it is also responsible for some the problems which we are suffering today. If we can improvise the limitations of these advancements, we can certainly unleash and attain greater heights for human development. As per my opinion, advantages of improved technology will certainly outweigh the disadvantages.
In the recent era, technological enhancement has led to an evolution of artificial robots and computers, which have replaced most of the jobs which was earlier done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Using
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
computer technology, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
tedious manual work a lot easier. Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks too. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you why the benefits of this technological development overcomes the disadvantages.

Robots and computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which have simplified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
jobs due to various factors.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of machinery not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
money.
For example
, in the olden days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
manually
write a business letter which needed to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
through the post and it would take several days to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
delivered. Invention of email in the late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90's
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certainly
solved this problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is much easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a business email with minimal cost which has enhanced business profits. Another example we can consider of Online shopping which is far more convenient than Traditional shopping. Varieties of options can
be explored
and chosen which includes free delivery too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
machinery has lots of positives which are useful for the development of mankind.

Although automation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in various fields, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives which
also
needs to
be considered
. With the introduction of computers in office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unskilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
lost their jobs and percentage of unemployment increased
rapidly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
health has
also
become a primary concern since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sit long hours in front of television with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no exercise at all.
Even though
computers and robots have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it has
also
impacted them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
technology has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hardcore manual tasks with the introduction of automated household machines and technological gadgets. Though It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to our life, it is
also
responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the problems which we are suffering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. If we can improvise the limitations of these advancements, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certainly
unleash and attain greater heights for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
development. As per my opinion, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
technology will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certainly
outweigh the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is positive or negative development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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