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Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.5

Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 5
The role of personality and images are play vital role in our life. it is irrefutable that, some sports personality admire us just because of strong character, sense of humor, way of thinking, strong decision making and looks and most important their sport style. However, on the other hand, few things are not acceptable or tolerance in the form of smoking, drugs habits etc. I put my positive and negative views regarding my paragraph, At begin with, sports are the versatile game, it is one of the most famous game among the people and many people has desire they can become a national hero in all over the world and people love them. However, it is quite difficult situation because every one cannot fulfill his demand that' s why they make the images and admire people who are related to sports field. Moreover, I strongly put my positive views in to two segments. Firstly, I have seen many example in my society, most of the proverbial personality are introvert. they play active role in social service, they love to do help others with in a country or outside the country, they help those people who are needy and they required food and shutter. I think it is a basic reason that' s why people love to follow them. Here i would like to talk about Imran Khan, he is one of the most well known Pakistani cricketer in all over the world, when he joined cricket he won the world cup, after that he established shaukat khannum hospital for those people who are fighting with cancer diseases. Secondly, youth are admire sports stars just because of their look, fitness, personality and none other than their popularity. On the other hand, why we should not admire to sports people or well known personality? It is commonly believe that, in our society there are plethora amount of immense issue in the form of drugs, wine, smoking and so on. When sports people are famous they are involved in to bad habits and start to do many negative things and according to this kind of behavior young generation can easily follow it. That' s why it is not good for health and it creates negativity. I put in it nutshell, I pen down saying that, I believe that, the positive ratio of young people admiration is outweighed rather than negative development.
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and images are play vital role in our life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is irrefutable that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of strong character, sense of humor, way of thinking, strong
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and looks and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
style.
However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, few things are not acceptable or tolerance in the form of smoking, drugs habits etc.

I put my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
views regarding my paragraph,

At
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the versatile game, it is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
desire they can become a national hero in all over the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them.
However
, it is quite difficult situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every one cannot fulfill his demand
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the images and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are related
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
field.
Moreover
, I
strongly
put my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
views in to two segments.

Firstly
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Possible agreement error. The noun example seems to be countable; consider using: "many examples".
many example
in my society, most of the proverbial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
are introvert.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
play active role in social service, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others with in a country or outside the country, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
needy and
they required food and shutter. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a basic reason
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to follow them. Here
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to talk about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imran
Khan, he is one of the most well known Pakistani cricketer in all over the world, when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
cricket he won the world cup, after that he established
Possible spelling mistake found.
shaukat
Possible spelling mistake found.
khannum
hospital for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are fighting with cancer diseases.

Secondly
, youth are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their look, fitness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and none
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than their popularity.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, why we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
? It is
commonly
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that, in our society there are plethora
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of immense issue in the form of drugs, wine, smoking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
they
are involved
in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things and according to this kind of behavior young generation can
easily
follow it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health and it creates negativity.

I put in it nutshell, I pen down saying that, I believe that, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ratio of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
admiration
is outweighed
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
398 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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