Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays we can watch entertainment performance from the screen Laptops etc and no need to watch it live To what entend do you agree v.2

Nowadays we can watch entertainment performance from the screen Laptops etc and no need to watch it live To what entend do you agree v. 2
With the advancement of science and technology every thing has come to our door steps. One such thing is sport events. Now with the help of internet technology we can view real time performances of teams at home, and there is no need to travel all the way to the place of event. However, I disagree with the above change because being a part of real audience, we can experience a whole different environment which is available in stadiums only and able to socialise with peers. When we are present in the ground our energy level is at the peak. What I mean by this is the ambiance of live performance can not be simply felt at home in front of the television screen. Those who are a part of audience can cheer for and boost the moral of their teams during the difficult situations of match. I, for instance, along with my friends was a part of spectators during Pakistan vs India T20 Cricket world cup. It was a memorable moment in our lives we cheered for our team and lift the spirit of our national team in a foreign country. Thus, the experience of physical presence can never be substituted by virtual presence. Another advantage of being present in the stadium is being able to socialise with other people. It provides you a real time opportunity to make friends who share the same values. If people like same sport celebratories, they tend to discuss more thing which are in common and might make lasting bonds. Furthermore, In mega events, such as Word Football Cup or Olympics, people come close to each other from different parts of the world. In this way, they able to understand and appreciate each other culture and values. Therefore, we can minimize misunderstanding and hatred by becoming part of a sport event audience. All in all, although technology made available to us to watch our favorite sports event at home, it can never replace the energetic ambiance and socializing opportunities which are only available to us by present in the stadium. It is recommended that if we have time and resources, instead of limiting ourselves to virtual reality, we must go out and experience the real life.
With the advancement of science and technology every thing has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our door steps. One such thing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet technology we can view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
time performances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
at home, and there is no need to travel all the way to the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
However
, I disagree with the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
audience, we can experience a whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment which is available in stadiums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with peers.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we are present in the ground our energy level is at the peak. What I mean by this is the ambiance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
performance can not be
simply
felt at home in front of the television screen. Those who are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of audience can cheer for and boost the moral of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
during the difficult situations of match. I,
for instance
, along with my friends was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of spectators during Pakistan vs India T20 Cricket world cup. It was a memorable moment in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
we cheered for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and lift the spirit of our national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
in a foreign country.
Thus
, the experience of physical presence can never
be substituted
by virtual presence.

Another advantage of being present in the stadium is being able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It provides you a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
time opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends who share the same values. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebratories
, they tend to discuss more thing which are in common and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lasting bonds.
Furthermore
, In mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, such as Word Football Cup or Olympics,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
close to each other from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the world. In this way,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to understand and appreciate each other culture and values.
Therefore
, we can minimize misunderstanding and hatred by becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
audience.

All in all, although technology made available to us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
at home, it can never replace the energetic ambiance and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialize' and 'socialise') within a single text.
socializing
opportunities which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available to us by present in the stadium. It
is recommended
that if we have time and resources,
instead
of limiting ourselves to virtual reality, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go out and experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Nowadays we can watch entertainment performance from the screen Laptops etc and no need to watch it live To what entend do you agree v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts