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Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector and this is leading to environmental damage What are some possible solutions to this situation v.1

Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector and this is leading to environmental damage What are some possible solutions to this situation v. 1
Children, nowadays, are spending nearly all their time inside buildings as a result of the busy pace of contemporary life. It is agreed that it is of utmost importance that young children are taught to value our natural habitat. This essay will argue firstly, that they will protect it as adults, and secondly, that it would contribute to their improved health. To begin, it is my opinion that growing children who learn to love nature are likely to take actions to protect it as adults. This is especially important, given the rate at which deforestation, urbanization and other practices which erode the natural environment are taking place in modern times. Because children would become the adults of tomorrow who would be in the position to make decisions that would safeguard or further cause harm to nature, then teaching them early to love and value it would be beneficial to our world. For example, studies conducted recently by National Geographic, have shown that children who visit zoos and aquariums or who go camping in nature, frequently, are 60 times more likely to become nature activists and conservationists, than children who do not. In addition, I would also argue that spending time in nature contributes to the well being of people, including children and adolescents. This is because activities which take place out in nature, such as walking, hiking, climbing, and swimming, are physically exerting thus helps them maintain fitness. Furthermore, recent studies have shown that people who breathe cleaner and fresher air regularly, are expected to live 7 years longer than those who do not. In conclusion, I believe that it is highly essential that children are taught to understand and esteem the natural world as they are the earth's future (correction: they are the earth's future) protectors, and spending time in the natural habitat contributes to their overall health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, nowadays, are spending
nearly
all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inside buildings
as a result
of the busy pace of contemporary life. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that it is of utmost importance that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to value our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat. This essay will argue
firstly
, that they will protect it as adults, and
secondly
, that it would contribute to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it is my opinion that growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
are likely to take actions to protect it as adults. This is
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the rate at which deforestation, urbanization and other practices which erode the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment are taking place in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become the adults of tomorrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would be in the position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions that would safeguard or
further
cause harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, then teaching them early to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and value it would be beneficial to our world.
For example
, studies conducted recently by National Geographic, have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visit zoos and aquariums or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go camping in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
,
frequently
, are 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more likely to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
activists and conservationists, than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not.

In addition
, I would
also
argue that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
contributes to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
activities which take place out in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, such as walking, hiking, climbing, and swimming, are
physically
exerting
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them maintain fitness.
Furthermore
, recent studies have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
breathe cleaner and fresher air
regularly
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
7 years longer than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is
highly
essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to understand and esteem the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world as they are the earth's future (correction: they are the earth's future) protectors, and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat contributes to their
overall
health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector and this is leading to environmental damage What are some possible solutions to this situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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