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The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extent v. 2
Education makes or breaks a society. In the light of this, I feel that the government should allocate more money to enhancing the knowledge of its people. Education is the spinal cord of any civilization. Although, other areas like healthcare, technology are also important, but when it comes to improving the living standard of a country, making everyone literate is far more crucial. Kids empowered with what is happening around them, why it is happening and how they can contribute to improve the same, turn out to be mature adults. Such individuals can distinguish between right and wrong, work towards the greater benefit of the society. They are bound to improve every other domain like healthcare industry, infrastructure, art and culture by making use of their skills. This is the main reason that most developed and developing economies are investing in making their children literate. Primary education is free in advanced nations like the USA, Canada, etc. Many countries like the USA invest a major amount into research and development. By doing this, their people are able to make new inventions. Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google, has even started a program where he is encouraging young prodigies to come up with novel ideas. Such gesture, not only motivates the youth, but also compensates them to try something new and different. So to conclude, I would like to mention that although health and other sectors need to be considered, but there is no replacement for a knowledgeable nation. Knowledge is power.
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
or breaks a society. In the light of this, I feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate more money to enhancing the knowledge of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Education is the spinal cord of any civilization. Although, other areas like healthcare, technology are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to improving the living standard of a country, making everyone literate is far more crucial. Kids empowered with what is happening around them, why it is happening and how they can contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the same, turn out to be mature adults. Such individuals can distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, work towards the greater benefit of the society. They
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every other domain like healthcare industry, infrastructure, art and culture by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

This is the main reason that most developed and developing economies are investing in making their children literate. Primary education is free in advanced nations like the USA, Canada, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries like the USA invest a major amount into research and development. By doing this, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new inventions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sundar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pichai
, the CEO of Google, has even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a program where he is encouraging young prodigies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Such gesture, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivates the youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
compensates them to try something new and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, I would like to mention that although health and other sectors need to
be considered
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no replacement for a knowledgeable nation. Knowledge is power.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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