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Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.5

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 5
It is irrefutable that parents play an imperative role in influencing child’s behaviour. In recent days, social concerns involving teenagers have been rising at an exponential pace due to the matter that the guardians are spending less time with their kids than at work. I personally agree with this statement to a large extent and will elucidate my views in the following paragraphs. There are several attributes to this concern. To embark on, most of the adolescents face Isolation. In other words, due to the case that guardians spend a very limited amount of time with their offspring, they often tend to play computer games and mass media consequently getting influenced by violent. For instance, a recent toll conducted by researchers state that kids with single parent face more number of crime and other social problems in the society. Furthermore, As most of parents are in a rat race to win a luxurious lifestyle, they tend to forget inculcating moral values to kids, thus most of them lack soft skills like team spirit, cooperation and tolerance. On a contrary, when youths are provided with freedom, most of them try to learn challenges and overcome them. Also, they try to be more independent due to the evidence that most of them solve their problems. To add on, It provides a platform for the teenagers to express their own ideas and emotions. Which indirect them to follow their passion instead of learning suggested by parents. To illustrate an example, Ranjit and Edwin are few among the individuals who have followed their passion without parents' guidance and have been successful in life. In conclusion, Despite the evidence that few individuals can express their ideas and emotions without the guidance of parents. Parents should spend a considerable amount of time with children, to nurture them in an effective way by inculcating variety of soft skills which in turns help them to become better citizens of society.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an imperative role in influencing child’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In recent days, social concerns involving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have been rising at an exponential pace due to the matter that the guardians are spending less time with their kids than at work. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to a large extent and will elucidate my views in the following paragraphs.

There are several attributes to this concern. To embark on, most of the adolescents face Isolation.
In other words
, due to the case that guardians spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited amount of time with their offspring, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to play computer games and mass media
consequently
getting influenced by violent.
For instance
, a recent toll conducted by researchers state that kids with single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
face more number of crime and other social problems in the society.
Furthermore
, As most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are in a rat race to win a luxurious lifestyle, they tend to forget inculcating moral values to kids,
thus
most of them lack soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like team spirit, cooperation and tolerance.

On a contrary, when youths
are provided
with freedom, most of them try to learn challenges and overcome them.
Also
, they try to be more independent due to the evidence that most of them solve their problems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, It provides a platform for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and emotions.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
indirect them to follow their passion
instead
of learning suggested by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To illustrate an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ranjit
and Edwin are few among the individuals who have followed their passion without parents' guidance and have been successful in life.

In conclusion
, Despite the evidence that few individuals can express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and emotions without the guidance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should spend a considerable amount of time with children, to nurture them
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
by inculcating variety of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which in turns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become better citizens of society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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