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Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.3

In this day and age, common issues like depression, violence, drug addiction are doing the rounds around the world, observed especially in the youth. Given the intensity of these problems and how rapidly they are rising among the younger generation, doctors and psychologists are studying the causes behind it to combat the situation. The reason behind this is believed to be parents being heavily occupied with their professional lives, therefore not being able to look after their kids. I do not agree that parents should be blamed entirely for it as I feel there are other factors that are equally contributing towards it. It is true to a degree that parents are not making enough time for their children, thus getting disconnected from their lives. When kids do not get the affection and care that they require from a very young age, they grow up with a lot of negativity and frustration of always being left out, ultimately being depressed and getting engaged in different wrongdoings. In other words, most youngsters fear going up to their parents for an advice over something that they think is wrong, because they are more likely to get scolded instead of being guided. In addition, there are other factors that contribute towards the increase in common problems among young people, one of them is peer pressure. As young people tend to hang out with friends a lot, they get indulged in various unethical activities under the influence of their friends. For example, a group of friends forcing another friend to do drugs or else all of them will make fun of him and ridicule him. In conclusion, although parents should take active interest in their child’s life as it is their duty to keep a close eye on their activities and whereabouts, it is not completely the only reason for the increase in social problems. Other factors like peer pressure and misuse of social media are equally persuasive as well.
In this day and age, common issues like depression, violence, drug addiction are doing the rounds around the world, observed
especially
in the youth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the intensity of these problems and how
rapidly
they are rising among the younger generation, doctors and psychologists are studying the causes behind it to combat the situation. The reason behind this
is believed
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being
heavily
occupied with their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
therefore
not being able to look after their kids. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be blamed
entirely
for it as I feel there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that are
equally
contributing towards it.

It is true to a degree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for their children,
thus
getting disconnected from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. When kids do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the affection and care that they require from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, they grow up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
negativity and frustration of always being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out,
ultimately
being depressed
and getting engaged in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
wrongdoings. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, most youngsters fear going up to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for an advice over something that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scolded
instead
of
being guided
.

In addition
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that contribute towards the increase in common problems among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, one of them is peer pressure. As young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to hang out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
a lot, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in various unethical activities under the influence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
For example
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
forcing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to do drugs or else all of them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fun of him and ridicule him.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take active interest in their child’s life as it is their duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a close eye on their activities and whereabouts, it is not completely the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for the increase in social problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
factors like peer pressure and misuse of social media are
equally
persuasive
as well
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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